What do you call a gay man that is not physically handicapped that performs blowjobs on gay men that are physically handicapped?
Caregiver.
What does a gay man that is a dumb blonde and who is a prostitute do after he sucks cock?
Spit out the feathers.
How did Helen Keller lose her virginity?
I told her the plunger was stuck in the toilet, but she didn’t listen...
So, if she gargles your cum, is that a jacuzzi daycare?
How do you know if you have a high sperm count?
She chews before she swallows.
Did you ever receive an anonymous blowjob from another male under the handicapped stall inside the public men's restroom at a rest area and did you have an orgasm and was it the best orgasm that you ever had?
What is the difference between a woman performing anilingus on a man and a woman performing fellatio on a man?
If a woman is performing anilingus on a man, it is not classified as heterosexual sodomy, you fucking idiot!!!!
A girl noticed hair growing between her legs and asked her mom about it. Her mom said it was her monkey and it grows hair. So, she told her sister, and her sister said that ain't nothing, mine's already eating bananas.
How is a woman like a condom?
Both spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.
What's the difference between anal and oral sex?
An and Or!
I fucked a chick named Macy, but she had dyslexia.
So I ended up doing the YMCA.
Little Johnny is walking around and peeks in his parents' room, catching them having sex. So he asks, "What are you guys doing?" and they reply, "Nothing, nothing! We're just, uh, making cake," and they send him away.
So he continues walking around, and he hears some strange noises coming from his brother's room. He walks in and catches his brother and his brother's girlfriend having sex and then asks him, "What are you guys doing?" and his brother yells, "Get out! We're making cake!"
So Johnny leaves and goes to his room. The next day the whole family is at the dinner table and Little Johnny turns to his sister and says, "So, you and your boyfriend were making cake last night, huh?" and she replies, "OMG! How'd you know!?" and Johnny replies, "Because I licked the icing off the couch."
Children should never run with scissors, and lesbians should never scissor with the runs.
What do they call me when I jack off?
Pulled pork.
My German girlfriend likes to rate our sex between 1-10.
Last night we tried anal, she kept shouting 9!
That's the best I've done so far.
How long does it take for 5 babies to die in the microwave?
I don't know, I can't count while I masturbate...
What's the best part of having sex with a baby?
Deep throat and anal at the same time.
What does a baby in a blender look like?
I don’t know, I close my eyes when I masturbate.
How is spinach like anal sex?
If you were forced to have it as a child, you probably won't like it as an adult.
A 13 year old girl is having a sleepover. One of her friends asks, "When was the last time you had an orgasm?" She replies, "3 days ago." Dad comes bursting in, "I KNEW YOU WERE FAKING LAST NIGHT!"
