What’s something you can say in a grocery store and in bed?
"Thanks for coming."
What is the real reason why men jack off? They just enjoy killing kids.
One time I was at home alone with my dawgy, and I was eating peanut butter. I thought since it's oily, I could use it as a lotion, so I spread it all over my private part. My dawgy came over and started licking the peanut butter off my private part, and my private part got big and hard. Then, white stuff came out of my wee wee, and my dawgy started looking up at me and whining.
And then my daddy came home and saw what I was doing and shouted, "What are you doing?" And I said I was using peanut butter on my private part. Then he said, "Well, let me have a taste." And then he started doing what my dawgy was doing.
Why was baptism invented?
How else was a priest supposed to clean his sex toys?
Why does Darth Vader always choke people?
Because he wants them to feel what his Sith Lord does to him in bed.
Hey kids, are you ready for Faptisim?
Autoerotic asphyxiation because hanging in there can be hard.
You've heard of anal sex.
You've heard of oral sex.
You've heard of genital sex.
But have you ever heard of NASAL SEX?
What is the difference between anal sex and a microwave? A microwave doesn't brown your meat.
I was lip to lip yesterday, and now I can't get the cum out of my mouth.
Getting ready for gangbang.
I'd make a masturbation joke.
But they always get out of hand.
What do a blonde chick and a field of wheat have in common?
They're both bound to get plowed at some point in time.
What do you call a gay man that is not physically handicapped that performs blowjobs on gay men that are physically handicapped?
Caregiver.
What does a gay man that is a dumb blonde and who is a prostitute do after he sucks cock?
Spit out the feathers.
How did Helen Keller lose her virginity?
I told her the plunger was stuck in the toilet, but she didn’t listen...
So, if she gargles your cum, is that a jacuzzi daycare?
Did you ever receive an anonymous blowjob from another male under the handicapped stall inside the public men's restroom at a rest area and did you have an orgasm and was it the best orgasm that you ever had?
What is the difference between a woman performing anilingus on a man and a woman performing fellatio on a man?
If a woman is performing anilingus on a man, it is not classified as heterosexual sodomy, you fucking idiot!!!!
A girl noticed hair growing between her legs and asked her mom about it. Her mom said it was her monkey and it grows hair. So, she told her sister, and her sister said that ain't nothing, mine's already eating bananas.
