I was literally cradlesnatched as a child.
Yeah, in the arms of an older woman experiencing my first rounds of motorboating.
Sexual Activity Jokes
What’s something you can say in a grocery store and in bed?
"Thanks for coming."
What is the real reason why men jack off? They just enjoy killing kids.
One time I was at home alone with my dawgy, and I was eating peanut butter. I thought since it's oily, I could use it as a lotion, so I spread it all over my private part. My dawgy came over and started licking the peanut butter off my private part, and my private part got big and hard. Then, white stuff came out of my wee wee, and my dawgy started looking up at me and whining.
And then my daddy came home and saw what I was doing and shouted, "What are you doing?" And I said I was using peanut butter on my private part. Then he said, "Well, let me have a taste." And then he started doing what my dawgy was doing.
Why was baptism invented?
How else was a priest supposed to clean his sex toys?
If you got a crush and you are a 👧🏻 girl, let him lick 👅 your vagina.
Why does Darth Vader always choke people?
Because he wants them to feel what his Sith Lord does to him in bed.
What's the difference between normal sex and anal sex?
One makes your whole day and one makes your hole weak.
Hey kids, are you ready for Faptisim?
Why are vegetarians so good at giving head? Because they’re used to having nuts in their mouth.
Autoerotic asphyxiation because hanging in there can be hard.
You've heard of anal sex.
You've heard of oral sex.
You've heard of genital sex.
But have you ever heard of NASAL SEX?
What is the difference between anal sex and a microwave? A microwave doesn't brown your meat.
I was lip to lip yesterday, and now I can't get the cum out of my mouth.
Getting ready for gangbang.
Day 70 without sex, my doctor asked me, "Are you sexually active?" I said, "Why, what you tryna do?"
I'd make a masturbation joke.
But they always get out of hand.
What do a blonde chick and a field of wheat have in common?
They're both bound to get plowed at some point in time.
Why did a girl like bananas?
Because one day she might need to be ready.
Kenny is a comfort snacker.
Every time he's stressed, he eats his mom's pussy.