Sexual Activity jokes

My German girlfriend likes to rate our sex between 1-10.

Last night we tried anal, she kept shouting 9!

That's the best I've done so far.

How long does it take for 5 babies to die in the microwave?

I don't know, I can't count while I masturbate...

What's the best part of having sex with a baby?

Deep throat and anal at the same time.

What does a baby in a blender look like?

I don’t know, I close my eyes when I masturbate.

How is spinach like anal sex?

If you were forced to have it as a child, you probably won't like it as an adult.

A 13 year old girl is having a sleepover. One of her friends asks, "When was the last time you had an orgasm?" She replies, "3 days ago." Dad comes bursting in, "I KNEW YOU WERE FAKING LAST NIGHT!"

What's the difference between oral sex and anal sex?

Oral sex will make your whole day. Anal sex will make your hole weak.

I walked into a room full of men masturbating. They all looked shocked when I didn't stop.

What's the difference between jam and jelly?

You can't jelly your cock into a girl's mouth.