Sex jokes
I had sex with twins. Well, I think it was twins. All my rage victims look alike.
What do you call lesbians having sex?
My cheating dyke ex-wife!
What do you call sex with a hoover?
Clean sex.
What's the difference between a goat and a sex slave?
I don't have a slave in my sex dungeon.
Roses are red, I have a confession:
A man kills best friend after 10hrs anal sex session.
Day 70 without sex, my doctor asked me, "Are you sexually active?" I said, "Why, what you tryna do?"
Say this to someone who is fat that you don't like (make sure he's a virgin):
"You're so fat you can sell shaaade!! That's why you're a virgin and you masturbaaate!!! Yeah, I've see you, touching your 1 centimetre and if you have a gf she's is a cheater!!"
Make sure to say "shaaade" not "shade". And say "maturbaaate" (also try to say a D not a T in maturbaaate) not "masturbate".
Bully: I bet your dick is so small when you look down you can't see it.
Guy: I don't, I see your mom.
How can you make a woman scream your name when you have sex with her?
Change your name to "Rape."
What do a pulse and an orgasm have in common?
I don’t care if she has one.
What do lesbians and turtles have in common? They both choke on plastic.
The top worst thing for an orphan, and probably the most awkward one, is when they're having sex and the other person is calling them "mommy" or "daddy."
Why can't orphans have sex? Because they have no one to call "daddy."
Little Johnny walked in on his mom in the shower and said, "What's that on your chest, Mom?" Mom said, "Those are my headlights." Johnny: "Oh. What's that in between your legs, Mom?" Mom: "Oh, that's my bush." Johnny: "Oh, OK." Next, he walked in on his dad in the shower. He said, "Dad, what's that in between your legs?" Dad: "Oh, that's my snake." Johnny: "Oh, OK." That night, little Johnny walks in on his parents going at it and said, "Mom, turn on his headlights, there's a snake going in your bush!"
What's the difference between Isaac Newton and the baby I just stabbed?
Isaac Newton died a virgin.
How do you get 4 gay guys on a bar stool? You turn it upside down.
How do you get them back off again? You jerk them off.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
My I.
May I who?
May I put this pussy on your mouth?
Are you Jesus? Because I want to nail you.
Sex is like show and tell: you show your pussy and dick, and then you tell each other how you feel.
I had morning wood one day. Then my sister saw it and said, "I can help!"