Sex jokes
What do you call a giraffe giving a blow job to another giraffe?
Getting neck!
Why can’t a tree have sex? They are always tied up.
Why can’t an emo have sex?
They can’t make it to the bed, they kept swinging on the tree.
Nancy be like, "Don't do drugs, do cock!"
Nancy, the throat goat!
What’s the difference between a prostitute and a Twinkie?
Nothing. They both squirt their white stuff when you eat it.
Dang... if I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put D IN U ;)
I only know there are 25 letters in the alphabet, I don't know Y.
(Me: How many letters are in the alphabet?) -- (Friend: 11- T-H-E-- A-L-P-H-A-B-E-T)
(Me: There are 20 letters in the alphabet, right?) -- (Crush: No, there is actually 26.) -- (Me: oooOoh, I forgot u r a qt! So its acdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz?) -- (Crush: You forgot the D) -- (Me: That's not needed yet ;])
What letter is really hot? T
C = cOCK O = CoCK C = COcK K = COCk COCK = cock cock = COCK
ME SExUAL SRrY LoL
Remember what one of my gay friends told me: it's only cannibalism if you swallow.
Yo mama so FAT...
That when she had sex with you...
Your balls turned to pancakes.
How does the earth rate its sex?
Earthquake, Cataclysm, Volcano explosion, Earth's core explodes.
If the earth's core explodes, then he got tore up!
Jack and Jill went up my ass to eat a big dildo, but Jack died cause he got hit by a brown thing.
What is more used than plastic?
Hookers.
I had sex with twins. Well, I think it was twins. All my rage victims look alike.
What do you call lesbians having sex?
My cheating dyke ex-wife!
What do you call sex with a hoover?
Clean sex.
What's the difference between a goat and a sex slave?
I don't have a slave in my sex dungeon.
Roses are red, I have a confession:
A man kills best friend after 10hrs anal sex session.
Day 70 without sex, my doctor asked me, "Are you sexually active?" I said, "Why, what you tryna do?"
Say this to someone who is fat that you don't like (make sure he's a virgin):
"You're so fat you can sell shaaade!! That's why you're a virgin and you masturbaaate!!! Yeah, I've see you, touching your 1 centimetre and if you have a gf she's is a cheater!!"
Make sure to say "shaaade" not "shade". And say "maturbaaate" (also try to say a D not a T in maturbaaate) not "masturbate".
Bully: I bet your dick is so small when you look down you can't see it.
Guy: I don't, I see your mom.