I like dick.
Sex Jokes
A kid goes to bed with his dad because he’s scared of the dark. Turns out he just wanted to have sex.
A young Greek couple got married, and at their wedding...
...the mother of the bride took the bride aside for a quick chat.
"My sweet," she said, "you're now a woman. I'm so proud. Some advice for you now that you're married: Greek men are very particular, and at some point when you're making love to your new husband, he might suggest that you 'turn around,' if you know what I mean. If that sort of thing makes you uncomfortable, do not feel pressured to say yes."
The bride thanked her mother for the advice, and the wedding continued. That night, as she and her husband consummated the marriage, she was mildly surprised to learn that he never asked her to 'turn around.'
They spent a beautiful week together on their honeymoon and made love many times. But still, to her mild surprise, her husband never asked her to 'turn around.'
Their one year anniversary arrived, and they made love to celebrate the milestone. But again, to her mild surprise, the husband never asked her to 'turn around.' This continued for years: their second anniversary, third, fourth...
Finally, on their fifth anniversary, her husband started getting romantic with her in bed and said, "Honey, we've been married for five years. I was thinking we maybe try something new. I thought this time you could 'turn around,' if you know what I mean."
She replied, emphatically, "No! No, I do not do that, I am not that kind of woman!"
Without getting defensive, her husband simply said, "That's all well and good, honey. But I thought you said you wanted children?"
I like my women the way I like my sandwiches... A little meat between their buns.
Why do orphans love blowjobs?
Because they actually get kissed!
What do you call nuts on a chin?
My penis in your mouth.
I looked up how fast cum shoots and it said 28 mph. That means that ejaculation is illegal in school zones!
Person 1: Yassin has sex with a piece of sex.
Person 2: Nice, can I have some of your balls?
What should people do with their floppy dicks?
I give them a good wiggle waggle to raise awareness of something!
Knock, knock.
*takes out penis*
Who is there?
Butthole 😎
Dick sucking.
How do you recycle a condom? Turn it inside out and shake the f *ck out of it!
Why do men like big tits and a flat ass?
Because they got little dicks and big mouths.
What does the sign say on the hooker house after they were on lockdown?
Answer: "We're on lockdown, get lost pervert."
What does having sex with a woman and cooking an egg in a skillet have in common?
Both end with a loud annoying sound and a gooey mess to clean the shit up.
Boy: Wanna hear about my dick? Never mind, it's too short.
Girl: Wanna hear about my pussy? Fuck no, you won't get it.
A redhead tells her blonde stepsister, "I slept with a Puerto Rican!"
Then the blonde replies, "OMG, you dirty little slut! How many is a Puerto Rican?"
What does a condom and a coffin have in common?
They both still have stiffs, but one is coming and one is going.
Why do a woman like to have sex with the lights off?
They can't stand to see a man have a good time.
I'd make a masturbation joke.
But they always get out of hand.
