How to give a good hand job?
Bop it. Pull it. Twist it. Harder. Better. Faster. Stronger. You put your left hand in. You put your left hand out. You put your left hand in and shake it all about.
None of you ever touch my penis.
Sex Jokes
What do you call it if your mom is a guy and your dad is a woman?
Transparent.
My crush said that she would rather die than have sex with me... It turns out that she was lying.
Your dick is so small it's the size of a tic tac. Oh, that's why your mom's breath was so fresh last night.
When it is quiet when you're having sex and you ask your partner to "Do the roar!"
A man is with his friend in a bar.
The friend, out of the blue, asks, "Hey, what's your body count?"
Nervous, the man looks away.
The friend then says, "I'm talking about sex."
The man then turns back and mumbles, "Oh... I thought you saw inside the basement..."
"Wait, wha..."
"What?"
If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong.
Thing to say during sex, "grab his dick and twist it!"
My boyfriend recently asked me to suck his cock. I was kinda nervous because I’ve never tasted a dick, but he said it doesn’t taste that bad, so I’ll give it a shot.
Do you think you can solve a riddle about my penis because I don't think you can...
It's too hard.
What’s the difference between a penis and a golf ball?
A penis always goes in the hole.
What's the difference between sand and a dildo? Sand has never gone up my ass.
Dr. Brody: Sir, your son has a disease called boofa.
Dad: What's boofa?
Dr. Brody: Both of these nuts in your mouth.
What do you call nuts on your chest? Chestnuts.
What do you call nuts on the wall? Walnuts.
What do you call nuts on your chin? A blowjob.
I did phone sex, but I'll never do it again because last time my penis got stuck in the charging cord.
Seriously, who wants dicks?
I fucked your girl.
Without women, sex would be a pain in the ass.
What's the difference between a T-Rex and your sister? I can't stick my dick in a dinosaur.
Bully: "I bet your dick is so small when you look down in the shower you can't even see it."
Guy: "No, I see your sister's head."
