Sex jokes
What do the mafia and pussies have in common?
One slip of the tongue, and you're in deep shit.
There was one girl. She met 5000 guys. She had sex with each of them seven times. She became... - flip screen (=).
When you go to your friend's house to fuck her brother, but realize he's your brother from your mom's side.
Anal sex is for A**holes.
Why did I f*** my dad?
So I could have s€x without my mom finding out. Should I not have done that?
Why is sex with pandas so much fun?
I don't know, it just is. 🐼
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
My penis.
What starts off fun and ends in bankruptcy?
UNPROTECTED SEX.
Q: What's the hardest thing about losing your virginity?
A: Making sure she doesn't wake up.
Two pencils walking down the street.
Which one hasn’t got AIDS?
The one with the rubber on.
Q: How did Burger King get Dairy Quinn pregnant?
A: He forgot to wrap his whopper 🍆🍔.
My girlfriend asked me if we could have anal sex, and I said, "What's that?" She said, "I fuck her ass." I said, "Oh, my uncle calls that shhhhh."
A big hefty porker left his balls exposed and said,
"Misses!! Come here and step upon mine balls, please!!! I pay top dollar for this extreme delight!"
She pippity popped his balls like there was no tomorrow.
And he said "yuh yuh ay ay crush these nuts nuts!"
Did you know that statistically, 1 in 10 people live next to a pedophile? Not me though, I live next to a 10 year old boy with a fat ass.
What song is sung when conceiving?
"Let's Get Physical, Physical!"
I sucked your mom's anus.
Why do people have sex? Because they're dumb.
Little Johnny is walking around and peaks in his parents' room, catching them having sex, so he asks, “What are you guys doing?” and they reply “Nothing, nothing! We’re just uh, making cake,” and they send him away.
So he continues walking around and he hears some strange noises coming from his brother’s room, so he walks in and catches his brother and his brother’s girlfriend having sex and then asks him “What are you guys doing?” and his brother yells “Get out! We're making cake!”
So Johnny leaves and goes to his room. The next day the whole family is at the dinner table and Little Johnny turns to his sister and says “So, you and your boyfriend were making cake last night huh!” and she replies “OMG! How'd you know!?!?” and Johnny replies “Because, I licked the icing off the couch” ayyyyyy.
I caught my sister licking up and down and deep throating a banana. I said, "Why are you doing that for?" She replied, "I'm doing it for practice for your friends."
Only one of Kenny's girlfriends has ever said he's good in bed.
But she has to. She's his mom.