Self jokes
I asked God why nobody likes me. He showed a reflection of myself.
If you want a joke, look at yourself in the mirror!
Andrew drew a picture of Andrew.
I'm autistic.
I asked a girl I met if I could take her out to dinner.
The joke is I knew right after she said, "I'll call you," she was lying to me, not surprised even a little.
The next joke was a part of me hoped she would call, but did I really think she was going to? I'll never be good enough for anyone, what was I thinking, why did I even bother to ask her in the first place? I think it was just to prove I was right, I'm unwanted.
LONELINESS EQUALS SADNESS.
My parents found my YT channel. I hate myself now, and I'm emotional.
SELF HARM
Why do people in wheelchairs get bullied? Because they can never stand up for themselves.
What’s the difference between me and grass? Grass doesn’t cut itself.
I downloaded Fruit Ninja so I can cut fruit instead of myself.
What's the difference between a feminist and Hitler?
Both were good at starting wars, only difference was Hitler knew when to kill himself afterwards.
My friend asked me to describe myself in 3 words...
"Lazy."
Why should you be friends with emos? Because you get to scan their bar code for 20% off, and when it expires, they get rid of themselves.
Donald Trump travels back in time to talk to his 10-year-old self.
When he sees himself, he says, "Do you see me? I am you, but almost 70 years older."
His 10-year-old self asks him, "Am I going to be famous?"
Trump replies, "Oh yeah, I became president of the United States. Not once. Twice!"
10-year-old Donald was shocked. But he became even more shocked when he heard the next sentence from his current self: "And now take off your pants!"
Know the nuclear bombs of the world.
🇷🇺🧨 a “bad” bomb
🇨🇳🧨 “ww3”
🇬🇧🧨 a “good” bomb
🇺🇸🧨 Japanese area testing
🇮🇱🧨 what bomb
🇮🇷🧨 just self defence
What's your favorite type of flour?
Don't know.
Mines self-raising.
I asked my phone why I couldn't get a date.
It showed a picture of myself.
Friend: Stop with the self harm jokes, they're not funny.
Me: It's not that deep. I'll cut it out.
My handicapped friend was getting bullied. I said, "Just stand up for yourself!"
What do you call an emo a cappella group?
Self harmony.
How you feel when you slit yourself once: :(
How you feel when you slit yourself more than once: <:(
How you feel when you slit yourself everyday: *dead inside*