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Caesar went to the future only to see how the Romans forgot Julius Caesar but only made a salad... I think it would have been better if Caesar stayed dead.

Julius's wife always stands behind him. Therefore, whenever he looks in the mirror, he sees her (Caesar).

Why can’t Asians play baseball?

Because they can’t see the ball.

"G.I. Jane 2, can't wait to see it!"

I was at my boyfriend's house, and I thought he was cheating on me. He was on the phone with somebody, and he said he'd be over there soon. So I asked him if I could see his phone. He said no, and then we fought about it until I saw his gun, and because I thought he was lying to me, I shot him, went through his phone, and his friend was still on the phone.

A blonde and a redhead have a ranch. They have just lost their bull.

The women need to buy another, but only have $500. The redhead tells the blonde, "I will go to the market and see if I can find one for under that amount. If I can, I will send you a telegram."

She goes to the market and finds one for $499. Having only one dollar left, she goes to the telegraph office and finds out that it costs one dollar per word. She is stumped on how to tell the blonde to bring the truck and trailer. Finally, she tells the telegraph operator to send the word "comfortable."

Skeptical, the operator asks, "How will she know to come with the trailer from just that word?" The redhead replies, "She's a blonde so she reads slow: 'Come for ta bull.'"

A man robs a bank and asks a woman, "Did you see that?"

She says, "Yes." So the man shoots her.

He leaves the bank and sees a couple. He asks, "Did you see that?" The husband said, "No, but my wife did!"

Public speaking is a more popular fear than snakes, and you don't see anyone walking in Australia and shout, "Look out! A podium!"

What is one thing blind people and orphans have in common?

They both can't see their parents.

A patient walked into a psychiatrist's office last week wrapped in nothing but Saran Wrap. The psychiatrist said, "I can clearly see your nuts."

A blind guy and his seeing eye dog walk into a bar.

The blind guy starts swinging the dog around on the leash.

The bartender yells, "Sir, stop! What are you doing!?"

The blind guy says, "I'm just looking around."

What do you do when you see a kid alone? You beat them up and say, "It was self-defense!"

I told a blind kid, "See you later!"

Me: So you two girls are from England?

Girls: Wales.

Me: Oh, I see, so you two whales are from England.

Is that a mirror in your pants? Cause I can see myself inside them.

What does a terrorist do when they see a twin?

They fly a plane at them.

What did Stevie Wonder see when he got murdered?

Nothing.

Why did the orphan wait in line?

To see their parents next.

I'm happy that I named my dog "I Know What You Did." It's funny to see how much people get scared when I call him.

I would like to tell you the name of a song I showed to my friend who had an overdose of LSD.

I see a dreamer.