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Son

  • Son: Mom, what's dark humor?

    Mom: Do you see that man without arms over there? Tell him to clap.

    Son: Mom, I’m blind.

    Mom: Exactly.

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    9/11

  • My mom told me we were flying to a building to see my aunt. I wondered, "Are we about to relive 9/11?"

    Firework

  • My dad said, "Where's Pickles, the family cat?" I said, "I'm sorry to say he's in the sky." He said, "Oh, I see, he passed away." No, I strapped him to 20 fireworks!

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    Fat

  • Say this to someone who is fat that you don't like (make sure he's a virgin):

    "You're so fat you can sell shaaade!! That's why you're a virgin and you masturbaaate!!! Yeah, I've see you, touching your 1 centimetre and if you have a gf she's is a cheater!!"

    Make sure to say "shaaade" not "shade". And say "maturbaaate" (also try to say a D not a T in maturbaaate) not "masturbate".

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    Ice Cream machine

  • Little boy: Momma?

    Mom: Yes, my dear.

    Little boy: One day I wanna work in McDonald's.

    Mom: Why!?

    Little boy: Just to see if their ice cream machine is actually broken.

    Woman

  • A blind woman told her husband someone is coming. He asks how do you know, you can't see. She replies, "I can taste it."

    Grandmother

  • Jantje goes on a walk with his grandmother. Jantje sees 1 dollar on the street and picks it up.

    The grandmother says: "Hey, Jantje! No picking up things from the floor! They are ugly and bad!"

    Then they keep walking. The grandmother slips and asks Jantje to help her stand up. Jantje answers: "No! Everything on the ground is ugly and bad."

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    Boyfriend

  • EVERYONE:

    "My boyfriend, Danny, broke up with me. Can some hot guy come, so I can interview them and see if they wanna date me?"

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    Demon

  • When you tell the men in the suits you can see that the demons of your sins are watching you...

    But they know you're blind.

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    Orphan

  • How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?

    Tell them to clap until they see their parents.