Nothing makes a guy happier than when his girlfriend says “Go and lock the door first...”
Q: Do you know why orphans rob banks?
A: Because it's a guarantee they'll be wanted afterwards
why does the please touch museum sounds like police touch musuem? because they gotta watch out for the pedos
Are suicide bombers taught properly how to fly or... Are they just given a quick crash course?
I stopped a terrorist from killing 100 people on a plane using self control
ENTER PASSWORD.
WRONG.
WRONG.
WRONG.
WRONG.
WRONG.
WRONG.
RESET PASSWORD.
NEW PASSWORD CAN'T BE OLD PASSWORD.
sets fire to computer
Yo mama's so old, her social security number is one
I got fired my first day at the bank this old lady told me to check her balance so I pushed her over
What is the email password of a black person? watermelon
An orphan walked up to a baseball field, but a security guard said he couldn't come in because it was a home game.
My Grandpa was supposed to be in 9/11 but airport security got him.
Today I was at the Apple Store when I saw that a lot of phones were broken. When I looked around I saw none other than Pristiano Penaldo smashing all the phones. He said he was mad because he ghosted vs a relegation team. Shame on you Penaldo!
*Enter password*
'ScoobyDoo'
"Password must contain special character"
'ScoobyDooFeaturingBatman'
As an actor going to film a new TV show in another country, when TSA asks “what’s the purpose of your visit?”... “I’m going to shoot a pilot” is never a good answer
Why did the Secret Service detain Johnny Depp at the White House?
Because he was about to kick the cabinet.
https://me.me/i/water-exists-airport-security-what-the-fuck-did-you-just-fc25990076e54a13abe393eca0d6765a
A man shot into a crowd at the train station and didn't hit one person, when the police asked why he missed, someone said cause he gay.
He couldn't shoot straight
I saw an ad that said, "By the time this ad is over, two identities would have been stolen" So, I did what I had to do, and skipped the ad! You're welcome to the two people's identities I saved!
