Science jokes
Q) What shampoo and conditioner did Stephen use?
A) Head and Shoulders.
Q) What’s Stephen’s favorite food?
A) Shoulders.
For real tho RIP Stephen Hawking đź’•
What do you call Stephen Hawking going fast?
Hot Wheels.
If I get an atom, I would split it with you.
How did they know the teacher onboard the spaceship had dandruff?
Cause her Head and Shoulders were everywhere!
What do you call Stephen Hawking on fire?
Hot Wheels! We'll see him soon.
Memes
Why can't Stephen Hawking go metal detecting?
Because when it beeps, it's him!
What does a volcano say when it has a runny nose?
"I have runny volcanoes."
Why can’t dinosaurs clap? Cuz they are all dead.
I just overheard this but:
How do you make a party in space?
You planet.
If the sun is in space, then why is there light on Earth, but not in space?
What went up but never came down?
Stephen Hawking's IQ.
Dear NASA, your mom thought I was big enough.
–Pluto.
Shower thought: If everyone had schizophrenia, no one would know we had schizophrenia or know what it is!
What do you call a rapper who LOVES math?
MC Squared.
If you are fat and transgender, then would you be considered trans fat?
Symptoms of Schizophrenia
The symptoms of this condition are fairly easy to recognize because they stand out so distinctly from a person’s usual behavior. In order for a diagnosis to be made, the person must suffer from two more of the following for at least one month:
Delusions
Hallucinations
Why was the sun afraid of the ocean?
'Cause 7 8 9.
What happens when water loses its bottom jaw?
It had a hurt o-chin (ocean)!
When you split Uranus in half, it is "ur-anus." That's why it has a butts joke. Weird.
You see, my son is very into astronomy.
Son: How do stars die?
Dad: Usually overdose, son.
I'm such an asshole to my son, my wife divorced me.