Why couldn't the dinosaur clap? They're dead!
I told a chemistry joke there was no reaction
On the inside of a fire hydrant you'll find H2O. What's on the outside? K9P.
The sky never changes color, but when it does, we know how your breath is increasing.
Why has Stephen Hawking stopped playing hide and seek with his wife? Because she keeps using a metal detector.
Two atoms are walking down the street, and they run into each other. One says to the other, "Are you all right?" "No, I lost an electron!" "Are you sure?" "Yeah, I’m positive!"
What is a physicist's favorite food?
Fission chips.
How does a mathematician get tan?
sin/cos.
What did the neutrino say to the planet?
"Just passing through."
Why did the math book go to the psychologist?
It had too many problems.
What did Earth say to the other planets?
"You guys have no life!"
What did Schrödinger say to Shakespeare?
"To be and not to be."
Why are quantum physicists so poor at sex?
Because when they find the position, they can't find the momentum, and when they have the momentum, they can't find the position.
Why didn't anyone react when the king farted? -- It was a noble gas.
Why does Stephen Hawking do one-liners? -- Because he can't do stand up.
What do you call a man with 6.022 x 10^23 dollars?
A Moleionaire.
An atom loses an electron... It says, "Man, I really gotta keep an ion them."
Yo mama so fat, NASA has a satellite orbiting around her.
Science flies you to the moon, but religion flies you into skyscrapers.
Yo mama so fat, she curves space and time.
