Science jokes
Think like a proton and stay positive!
Why was the sun afraid of the ocean?
'Cause 7 8 9.
What was Stephen Hawking's last message before he died: "Server shutting down."
How can you tell if an ant is a boy or a girl?
If it sinks it’s a girl. If it floats, it’s boy-ant (buoyant).
Little Jimmy has 5 red apples. His dad's car will arrive in 20 minutes. Calculate the mass of the Sun.
Symptoms of Schizophrenia
The symptoms of this condition are fairly easy to recognize because they stand out so distinctly from a person’s usual behavior. In order for a diagnosis to be made, the person must suffer from two more of the following for at least one month:
Delusions
Hallucinations
When Stephen Hawking found out about physics, he was speechless.
Q: What did one atom say to the other?
A: I have my ion you.
Guys, there is no need to worry about anti-vaxxers. The more there are, the less there are.
Why did the chicken cross the road? To help Stephen Hawking cross!
Why did Stephen Hawking cross the street?
He didn’t; he never did.
Why is Uranus so big? Because you discovered it.
My mom is a chemistry teacher.
Mom: You can’t be attracted to something without it being attracted to you back.
Me: Tell that to my FUCKING CRUSH, BITCH!
He's in a wheelchair.
What is an astronaut's favorite part of a keyboard?
The SPACE BAR!
Think like a proton--stay positive!
Apparently Steven Hawking was a stand-up kind of guy.
What did the stepbrother and stepsister do together?
Oof, mitosis!
David? Mitosis.
What did Allan say to William, his sister, when he stepped on his toe? "OWWW Mitosis."