School jokes

John and Chloe are in school arguing about who has the more heroic grandfather.

Chloe says, "My grandfather killed 50 Nazis, he's so heroic!"

John says, "So what? My grandfather KILLED Hitler!"

What did the depressed kid do in P.E.? They played with the jump rope, but they used it the wrong way.

I have an exam next week, so I called my ex and asked if she had any cheating tips.

What's the main similarity between an elementary school math class and the USA?

The class divides.

Why do orphans hate health ed at school?

Their parents can't opt them out of it.

Today we had a test on September 11th in school. I got a 9/11.

Walk up to the quiet kid and tell him to hang in there. Trust me, you won’t regret it.

The Good Old Days.

You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life.

What's the worst thing that can happen to schools?

Quiet kids.

There was a solar eclipse at school and we missed it, but it was alright. Your mum went to NASA and recreated it herself.

What school does a depressed middle school kid go to?

KMS.

Are you a white van? Because I would love to put children in you.

I asked my Dad the other day, "At what age is it okay to have sex with girls?"

He replied, "When they leave school, son, they are legal."

Apparently, 3:15 p.m. is not what he meant.

What do you call a priest that graduated from law school?

Father-in-law.

(some kid crying because hes an orphan and kids are bulling him) teacher:HEY i was a orphan to so if you bully him your basicly trying to bully me too me:OOF teacher:now is somebody not here? me:your parents

My (at the time) boyfriend told our chemistry teacher that blood is corrosive to steel.

Anyways, my sharpener isn’t working because the blade has been too badly damaged from something else...

What did the math teacher write on his party invitations?

Be there or B2.

I saw a monkey outside of school and said, "Look, a monkey!" I got expelled the next day.

You know that at Walmart they have backpacks next to the guns? Well, I thought that it was nice to see the bags next to the school supplies.

How to escape your black school teacher in detention?

(Easy)

Turn off the lights!