School jokes

Little Johnny was overheard by his mother reciting his homework, “Two plus two, the son of a b*tch is four; four plus four, the son of a b*tch is eight; eight plus eight, the son of a b*tch...;” “Johnny!” shouted his mother. “Stop swearing!” “But mom!” Little Johnny protested, “That’s what the teacher taught us! And she said we should recite it till we learned it!”

The next day his mother went to the teacher to complain. “No, no,” said the teacher, terrified. “That’s not what I taught them. They’re supposed to say: ‘Two plus two, the sum of which is four.’”

Me: I bombed the 2 tests yesterday.

Friend: What were the tests about?

Me: Japan.

I love telling stories as theatrical plays. When we had a free dress day near Christmas, my teacher dressed up as a reindeer, so I got my teacher involved... and shot her.

When you're the only one bullying the weird kid and you're absent on the day he shoots up the school. ̄\_(ツ)_/ ̄

Teacher: This assignment is big.

Student (male): I have something that's big.

Teacher: Yeah, your forehead.

Why did the girl study in the tree? She wanted a higher education.

Why don't parents get school shooting jokes? They're aimed at a younger audience.

What has more brains than the Columbine students? The wall behind them, xD.

Rainbows top the class, as they always score with flying colors.

Why did the pirate kids ride the short bus to school?

Because they were retarrrrrrrrrded.

I came home from school one day and told my cat a kid at school said I was an idiot and told me to go kick rocks, so I did, except I kicked him, not the rocks, and I called him the idiot for not moving out of the way.

Why do orphans hate health ed at school?

Their parents can't opt them out of it.

Today we had a test on September 11th in school. I got a 9/11.

When the quiet kid gets angry and the sped kid sees your hiding spot.

Bing, bang, boom!

Walk up to the quiet kid and tell him to hang in there. Trust me, you won’t regret it.

What's the main similarity between an elementary school math class and the USA?

The class divides.

I have an exam next week, so I called my ex and asked if she had any cheating tips.

What did the depressed kid do in P.E.? They played with the jump rope, but they used it the wrong way.

John and Chloe are in school arguing about who has the more heroic grandfather.

Chloe says, "My grandfather killed 50 Nazis, he's so heroic!"

John says, "So what? My grandfather KILLED Hitler!"

What's the worst thing that can happen to schools?

Quiet kids.