School jokes

If a homeschooled kid shoots his parents, does that count as a school shooting?

Imagine being expelled from school for bringing a weapon to school.

Don't believe what your school bully tells you.

Always take it with a grain of assault.

When I finished high school, I wanted to take my graduation money and buy myself a motorcycle, but my mom said no.

See, she had a brother who died in a horrible motorcycle accident when he was eighteen, and I could just have his motorcycle.

I was at school one day, and my teacher gave me homework. Once I got home, I did not do my homework, but I watched TV. After the movie, I finally went to go do my homework. I was almost done with my homework when I got to the last question. I didn't know the answer, so I asked the closest living being to me, which was my dog, and I asked him: what's two minus two? He said nothing.

Is anyone else on here because it's not blocked on the school laptop?

Q: Why can emos wear dog collars at school, but people can't wear hats? WTF school!

I have an exam next week, so I called my ex and asked if she had any cheating tips.

Little Johnny was late to school one day, and Miss Brown asks, "Johnny, how come you're late to class?" And Johnny says, "Miss, you wouldn't believe it. The farmer's bull got out and started fucking the white cow." Miss Brown said, "Johnny, don't use that word. Next time you want to say that, use the word 'surprised'."

The next day Johnny was late again, and Miss Brown said, "Johnny, why are you late?" And Johnny replied, "Miss, you wouldn't believe it. The farmer's bull got out and 'surprised' the white cow." Miss Brown said, "That's much better, Johnny." And Johnny said, "Yeah, walked straight passed it and started fucking the black one."

Say all you want about priests, but at least they drive slowly in school zones.

Why do Orphans like school?

Because they don't have a home to go back to afterwards.

Teacher: What do you kids want to be when you grow up?

Kid 1: I want to be a firefighter.

Kid 2: I want to be a police officer.

Kid 3: I want to be dead like both my parents.

Teacher: Ok, everyone pull out your books.

Kid 4: Are we going to ignore what he said?

Teacher: What do you want me to do? Call his parents?

I found a key that works for every door at my school.

Teacher: Describe Ukraine history in 3 words?

Student: Ukraine is history!

Schools be like "dRuGS arE BaD," then prescribe a 6-year-old Adderall for not wanting to sit in the same spot for 8 hours.

Little Johnny got detention because when he was walking to lunch, he saw a bowl of apples and there was a note on it that said, "Take 1, God is watching." He continued walking and saw a bowl of cookies that said, "Take 1, please." So little Johnny made his own note and he wrote, "Take as many cookies as you want, God is watching the apples."

Q: Why did the math book look so sad?

A: Because of all its problems.

Why is a gun like a box of chocolates?

If you pull one out in class, everyone wants to be your friend.

White people be like, "Less bomb Ukraines hospitals and schools!"

Hahaha, dumb white people!

Teacher: Anyone missing?

Orphan: My parents.

Teacher: Something that is real, kid.

Orphan: My family.

Teacher: OMG, out of my classroom, kid!