Say jokes
What did the cheese say to itself in the mirror?
"Haloomi."
What did the meditating egg say?
A) Ommmmmmmmmmmmmmmmlet!
What did the ghost knights say to the cloud king?
"Our souls will rain forever."
So, a mom and a dad are having sex. Their daughter comes down and says, "Mommy, Mommy, what are you doing?"
The mom goes, "Uh, we're making a cake. Let's go back to bed." So she tucks her daughter in and says, "We will go to the park tomorrow."
So the next day they go to the park, and two teens are going at it in some bushes, and the little girl goes, "Mommy, Mommy, what are they doing?" And the mom goes, "They're making a cake. Let's go back home."
So they go home, and the mom tucked her into bed and says, "Tomorrow we will go to the zoo." And so the next day they go to the zoo, and two monkeys are going at it, and the girl goes, "Mommy, what are they doing?" And the mom goes, "They're making a cake. Let's go back home."
And so they go home, and the girl goes, "Mommy, did you and Daddy make a cake last night?" And the mom nervously says, "N-no, why?" And the little girl goes, "Because I licked the icing off the couch."
My name says it all.
What did the North Tower say to the South Tower?...
"Catch you later!"
What did 0 say to 8?
"Hey, nice belt!"
I hope all of you had a great merry Christmas, a happy Hanukkah, a good whatever you celebrate! I got so much this year, over $300 of fishing gear, a small 2011 coin mint collection, some coins from the Nazi party, a remote control car, 100 dollars, and more. Say what you guys got in the comments.
What did the beat say to the rapper?
"You've got me DROPPING like it's HOT!"
What did the peanut say to the cashew after their argument?
They say we have a primal sense, that we can just feel when someone is watching us.
It’s been a few weeks, and it's clear that you do not have that sense.
A Chinese wise man once said, "ching chong ling long ting tong," which means, "keep striving in life."
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Cows say, "Moo, not who."
I had a friend who got shot in the head.
Guess you could say he was...
Blown Away!
A priest says to me, "Come up, my child." Then I said, "Do I know you? Because you're not my father."
An apple a day keeps the doctor away. Or at least it does if you throw it hard enough.
Why is it that if you donate a kidney, people love you? But if you donate five kidneys, they call the police.
My senior relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying things like, “You’ll be next!” They stopped once I started doing the same to them at funerals.
My BFF asked me: "You know why it took Carlos 3 days to move on?"
I said: "Why?"
My BFF says: "Well, it's because he was already cheating!"
I said: "KNEW IT!"
Knock! Knock!
Who’s there? Control Freak. Con... OK, now you say, “Control Freak who?”
That awkward moment when a fat kid says, “That’s how I roll.”
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Control freak.
Con...
Ok, now you say, "Control freak who?"