Say jokes
People say killing two birds with one stone is a good thing, but when I did it, people just looked horrified.
What did Bonnie say to Chica?
"Go kill yourself, dumbass bitch."
The best joke in the world is me.
Don't say that you're not a joke. Jokes have meanings.
A man walks into a bar.
Then he walks into a Pole.
Then the Pole says, "I surrender, Heil Hitler!"
I hooked up with my German girlfriend. It was really distracting when she kept saying her age.
When someone says you're adopted, say, "But you're still at the orphanage."
What did one depressed kid say to the other?
Hey, wanna hang together?
A limbless criminal has just been identified. Police say the suspect is armed and on the run.
What does the suicidal person say on New Years?
"New year, no me."
I hate prom in Alabama. They always say, "Uhh, actually this is our family reunion." We are in Alabama, so they are the same thing.
Make sense of what I am saying, This is a LIE—and that's the TRUTH.
What am I?
Answer: a Riddle.
Once my friend was saying something dumb, and I was like, "I Campbell-eve you just said that."
What do trans men and Pinocchio have in common?
Both are lying when they say, "I'm a real boy."
Two men are walking down the street and see a dog licking its balls. One man says, "I wish I could do that." The other one says, "You can probably just pet him."
What’s something you might say at sea, but not at your partner?
Land ho!
A gay guy and a trucker get in a car crash.
The gay guy says, "Somebody call the police! This man just rammed into me!"
The trucker says, "What the fuck did you just say, fucker? Get over here, I'm gonna wreck your ass!"
The gay man then says, "It's okay, everybody, don't call the police! He wants to negotiate."
when someone says to cheer up: you, I never thought of that. :)
-> in reality, :( (sob)
depression is no game, and here in this world, we are here for each other, although at times it might not seem like it.
Keep strong, and you'll find the end of the tunnel, but ending the pain and being gone just spreads depression.
It's not rape if she doesn't say no.
Two options: - Chloroform. - Duct Tape.
So, a doctor walks into the room with a dying patient. He looks the man up and down and says gravely: "I'm sorry, you only have ten left." The other man smiles nervously and asks, "T-ten what doc? Hours? Days? Weeks?" The doctor calmly looks at him. "Nine."
A man receives a phone call from his doctor.
The doctor says, "I have some good news and some bad news."
The man says, "OK, give me the good news first."
The doctor says, "The good news is, you have 24 hours to live."
The man replies, "Oh no! If that's the good news, then what's the bad news?"
The doctor says, "The bad news is, I forgot to call you yesterday."