Say jokes

What does Bill say to Hillary after sex? -- "Honey, I'll be home in 20 minutes."

Why did Beyonce say "to the left to the left"?

Because women don't have rights.

An orphanage got robbed yesterday. Let's just say that's the second worst thing to happen to those orphans. At least they didn't end up like their parents.

My sister and I were both adopted from the same country, and my parents say they got us on a "two for one special."

One man's trash is another man's treasure... Wonderful saying, horrible way to find out you're adopted.

If a midget with down syndrome shows up late for work, is it okay to say she's a little tardy?

Say what you want against pedophiles, but they slow down in school zones.

A man walks into a bar and notices a steak hanging from the ceiling. When he asks the bartender about it, the bartender says, "If you can jump up and hit it, drinks are on the house for the night, but if you miss, everyone's drinks are on your tab for the next two hours. Do you want to try?" The man decided not to take the risk. He thought the steaks were too high.

Therapist: What do you want to do when you grow up?

Me: Oh, I wan-

Therapist: Don’t say to be dead.

Me: Well, I want to be an entrepreneur. I want to sell land, pencils, oh yeah. I also want to sell farm.

Doctor: I diagnose you with obesity.

Patient: It runs in the family.

Doctor: Nothing can run in your family.

My friends used to poke me at weddings and say, "You're next."

So I started poking them at funerals and saying, "You're next" to my friends.

A guy is at home and he's about to go get a physical at the doctor's office. When he gets there, the doctor says, "Brian, you're going to have to stop masturbating." He asked the doc why? The doc said, "So I can examine you!"

Little Johnny is walking around and peeks in his parents' room, catching them having sex. So he asks, "What are you guys doing?" and they reply, "Nothing, nothing! We're just, uh, making cake," and they send him away.

So he continues walking around, and he hears some strange noises coming from his brother's room. He walks in and catches his brother and his brother's girlfriend having sex and then asks him, "What are you guys doing?" and his brother yells, "Get out! We're making cake!"

So Johnny leaves and goes to his room. The next day the whole family is at the dinner table and Little Johnny turns to his sister and says, "So, you and your boyfriend were making cake last night, huh?" and she replies, "OMG! How'd you know!?" and Johnny replies, "Because I licked the icing off the couch."

What's one of the worst motivational things to say to a suicidal person?

“Hang in there!”

I was gonna walk up to an emo and say, "Do you get jealous when your phone dies?"

What did the receptionist at the sperm bank say when you were leaving? "Thanks for coming!" 😉😉

I got kicked out of the hospital for saying, "Stay Positive," to the corona patients.

So, a daughter asks her father, "Dad, what is your opinion on abortions?" Her father says, "Why don't you ask your sister?" The daughter responds, "But I don't have a sister... Oh."

Two atoms are walking down the street, and they run into each other. One says to the other, "Are you all right?" "No, I lost an electron!" "Are you sure?" "Yeah, I’m positive!"

Did you hear about the fortune telling dwarf that escaped from prison?

Reports say there's a small medium at large!