Say jokes
What did Mario say when he broke up with Princess Peach?
It's not you, it's a-me, Mario!
What did one Justin say to the other Justin?
- Fuck you.
What did one negative say to the other negative? Together we can make a positive.
What did the atom say to the positive in math class? "We could make a positive number!"
What did the atom say to the other atom?
"Did you see the new Tron movie?"
What did the Queen Bee say to the other bees? "Beehive yourselves!"
An Aussie, an Asian, and a Frenchman are in a bar.
The Asian throws his whiskey in the air and shoots it. The Frenchman asks, "Why did you do that?" The Asian says, "There are plenty of them where we come from."
The Frenchman throws his champagne in the air and shoots it. Then the Aussie asks, "Why did you do that?" The Frenchman replies, "There are plenty of them where we come from."
The Aussie then throws his beer up in the air and shoots the Asian. Then the Frenchman asked, "Why did you do that?" The Aussie then replies, "There are plenty of them where we come from."
Jesus walks into a motel, throws 3 nails on the counter, and says, "Can you put me up for a night?"
Michael Jackson and Tonya Harding got together back in the day for a horse racing venture. Tonya says, "I'll handle the handicapping, you go ride the 3-year-olds."
What do you say to a one-legged hitchhiker?
Hop in.
What did the pedophile say to the nutcracker?
"Aren't you a little too young to be doing that?"
Old man goes to the doctor.
The doctor says, "The test results are back, and I'm sad to say you have cancer and Alzheimer's."
The old man says, "Phew! At least it's not cancer!"
North Korea and the Martians were fighting about who was going to reach Venus first.
Trump steps in and says, "That doesn't matter, America is going to land on the sun first."
The Martians and North Korea said, "You can't land on the sun, it's too hot and you will die."
Trump said his brilliant plan, "America is going to land there at night."
A man with no arms is tasked with a lot of jobs. Then he says to his boss, "I can't handle all of this!"
What did the pornstar say to the unemployed homeless man?
Get a fucking job.
Yo momma so stupid... weather man says it's chilly outside... instead of a jacket, she gets a bowl and spoon!
What did the grape say when the elephant sat on it?
Nothing, it just let out a little wine!
Trump, must I say more?
A man and a giraffe walk into a bar. The man orders a beer, one for him and one for the giraffe.
After they finish their drinks, the giraffe falls over, and the man gets his stuff and heads for the door.
The bartender says, "Stop! You can't leave that thing lying on the floor!"
The man says, "Mate, that's not a lion, it's a giraffe."
There were once three brothers, Shit, Shut up, and Manners. One day, Shit got hit by a car. Shut up went to find help at the local police station while Manners tried to help Shit.
When Shut up got to the police station he says, "My brother has just been hit by a car."
The policeman replied with, "OK then, first I need to know your name."
"Shut up."
"No, I need to know your name."
"Shut up."
"Excuse me, but where are your manners?"
"Round the corner picking up shit."