Say jokes
A class is being taught when Bill Clinton walks in. He asks the class, "What is a tragedy?"
One kid, named Jim, raises his hand and says, "If my family and I got ran over by a truck, that would be a tragedy." Bill Clinton replies, "That would be an accident, not a tragedy."
A couple of seconds later, Audrey raises her hand and says, "If a school shooting would happen and 10 kids died, that would be a tragedy." Bill Clinton replies once again with: "That would be a great loss, not a tragedy." All of the kids are confused now when all of a sudden Matthew says, "If you and Hillary Clinton were on an airplane and it got blown up, that would be a tragedy!"
"Yes!" Says Bill Clinton "How do you know?" Matthew says happily, "It is definitely not an accident, and certainly not a great loss!"
What did the Joker say to Harley Quinn?
Nothing.
Nothing lasts long these days!
As Confucius says, "Hare today, gone tomorrow!"
Q: What did the butt say to the face?
A: It farted!
What did the kangaroo say to the elephant? Hi up there!
What’s the difference between a mediocre thief and professional thief?
The mediocre thief will say “give me all your money!”
And a professional thief will say “sign here please.”
What did the tree say to his sister? Wood you please leaf me alone, you son of a birch?
A poster for the winter relief fund reads: "No one should be allowed to go hungry or suffer from the cold." A worker says to his friend, "Now were not even allowed to do that."
I'm so poor that when people come over to my house, I come out the window and say, "Ding Dong!"
Why can’t orphans say "I’m in the ghetto?" Because they can’t say "I’m in a home."
Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
What did Sushi 'A' say to Sushi 'B'?
- Wassaaaa....B!
Why did Adele cross the road?
To say hello from the other side.
What did one condom say to the other condom as they were passing a gay bar? "Let's go get shit faced!"
Have you heard the saying, "One man's trash is another man's treasure"? Great saying.
Not so great way to find out you are adopted.
What did the 3 say to the 8? Have fun!
What did the 5 say to the S?
"Nice shape."
I sometimes want rampage, but what good would that do?
I look for a way out, but there's not even a light shining through.
The times where all is dark, are the times that I need a mark.
Though people say that nobody will care, the truth is: there's always one who's fair.
That person may not be the one you expect, but I am here with a passion to redirect.
Once there was a time where I tried to end it all, because I only looked on the dark side.
Truth was I wanted to be heard, to be respected, to let someone know.
But that was in the past and this isn't about my dark ride, it's time for others to know that only a few words, can extinguish a glow.
Why did the man say chickens were lucky?
Because they get killed and eaten.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Control freak.
Con...
Ok, now you say, "Control freak who?"