Santa Claus jokes
What do Michael Jackson and Santa Claus have in common? They both let little kids sit on their lap.
Why do Christmas trees like wheelchairs? Because they have kids.
A father asked his son, Little Johnny, if he knew about the birds and the bees. “I don’t want to know!” Little Johnny said, exploding and bursting into tears.
Confused, his father asked Little Johnny what was wrong. “Oh, Pop,” Johnny sobbed, “For me there was no Santa Claus at age six, no Easter Bunny at seven, and no Tooth Fairy at eight. And if you’re telling me now that grownups don’t really have sex, I’ve got nothing left to live for!”
Me: Sister, stop stealing my stuff or I will make you feel bad.
Sister: No, I won't stop.
Me: Fine, I'm telling the world what you did.
Sister: What? You will see when I post it.
Sister: WHY DID YOU TELL THEM I PEED ON SANTA CLAUS WHEN I WAS 12 YEARS OLD?
Me: BECAUSE YOU DON ́T HAVE A LIFE.
What do Michael Jackson and Santa Claus have in common?
They both leave the little kids' room with empty sacks.
What nationality is Santa Claus?
North Polish.
if an emo doesn't get better by Christmas Santas reindeer won't be the only thing jumping off roofs this year
"Ho, ho, ho, what do you want for Christmas, little boy? Longer than two months to live."
Santa Claus gives a child a bike. The child was mad. Why? He had no legs.
Santa Claus walks up to three little girls and says, "Ho, ho, ho!"
"You gotta bleed before you teeth."
- Santa Claus
Why don't Asian kids believe in Santa Claus?
Because they're the ones who made the toys.
When I was a kid, my father would tell me that the black Santa Claus was coming to our house for Christmas. So, instead of putting out cookies and milk, we would put out cornbread and purple Kool-Aid.
You know the song "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus"? Apparently, Santa's the mailman.
To start, I'm a big fella in size.
I saw a skinny guy act like Santa, so I went over to him. "You can't pull that off," I said. He said, "Then you try it." He gave me the Santa suit, and I dressed up. He walked by and saw me with 45 kids in line to sit on my lap and tell me what they wanted for Christmas.
"What do you call a person who is afraid of Santa Claus?"
"Claustrophobic!"
Your mama so ugly, when Santa Claus came to her house and saw her, he said, "HO HO HOLY SHIT THAT'S ONE UGLY BITCH!"
Q: Why does Santa Claus have such a big sack?
A: He only comes once a year.
It is September. What's the difference between a stage four colon cancer patient and Santa Claus? Santa is coming for Christmas!
Yo mama so fat, when Santa Claus went down the chimney, he said, "Ho, ho, hooooly sh*t!"