Said jokes

Today I was asked what I wanted to be, and I said I wanted to be a pinata because I want to be hanged.

Today a child asked if I was an angel. I asked why, and he said, "Mommy says that angels have marks on their wrists because they don't want to be in this world."

A few kids were talking about how big their houses were. Kids were pointing to huge houses and huge apartments. One little boy said, "Bet I have the biggest home." To everyone's surprise, he pointed right towards the massive orphanage.

Yo mama so fat, when she jumped in the ocean, the whales said, "We are family, even though you're fatter than me!"

I remember you. You used to be an ash.

I would love to roast you more, but my mom said to not burn trash.

Brinnia so fat when she stepped on a scale, it said, "I need a bigger one."

Get a calculator.

Okay, anyways, Sally has 69 bottles of boobs (because she is a cannibal that collects boobs) and her friend said it was 222 many. She got caught by the police and was taken to 51st Street. She got arrested for x8 days, so she was BOOBLESS.

Looking out for becoming a pilot, can y'all suggest some good mosques?

Don't want to learn the landing part, though, Allah said it's unnecessary.

My dad is so good at instruments, he said he loves to finger "a minor."

I pushed an orphan and they said, "I'm telling!" I asked, "Telling who? Your parents?"

My friends were worried that I was making suicide jokes so much, so I said, "Don't worry, you won't have to hear them much longer."

Your mom is so fat that when she went on the scale, it said, "I need your weight, not your phone number!"

Your mom is so fat that when God said, "Let there be light," he asked your mom to move out of the way.

All of you guys in this orphanage are ABCDEFGHIJK.

What's that? said the orphans.

Attractive, brilliant, cute, darling, elegant, funny, gorgeous, and hot.

What's the IJK?

I'm just kidding! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

So who did it? the I.S.S. teacher said.

1 hour before:

So let me get...

Random person: Wait, what? You BROKE UP WITH HER!

Me: I SWEAR, JHONNY, THIS IS THE 3RD TIME YOU BUTT INTO MY CONVERSATION! SO... HERE... YOU... GO! *punches*

Your mom said, "Can you get to the dick game?"

Erin like TJ, but his tapeline said no.

Your mom is so stupid, she stopped at a stop sign because it never said "go."

I was joking about self-harm to my friend, and she told me to "CUT it out!" I couldn't even laugh.

When we were at the self-checkout, she started scanning my arms. I asked her what she was doing. She said, "Trying to see if it beeps, ya think I'd get it to work if I scanned your thighs?"

I said, "Nah, bro, you'd overload the system if you put it there."

My teacher got so mad at me for making 9/11 jokes, she hit me twice and I said, "Damn, got hit twice!"