Run jokes

Why can't an orphan hit a home run?

They have no home to run to.

The only thing running in THIS family’s your big ass mouth! Oh, I’d better shut up, or Big Bertha’s gonna confuse my head for a burger!

If you have a pair and it runs around the street, what do you call it? A running pair.

Your hairline is so ugly, your hair runs away from it.

Ever wondered why Usain Bolt runs fast? He's training to outrun the cops.

A: What do you call a sophisticated American? B: Canadian.

A: Why aren't there any Mexicans in Canada? B: They can't run that far.

«A: Что вы называете искушенным американцем? Б: Канадец.

A: Почему в Канаде нет ни одного мексиканца? Б: Они не могут убежать так далеко».

Your eyebrows run away like your dad.

This year the London marathon was run on your hairline. It was so far back no one could complete it!

Bored? Run over an orphan with your car! What are they going to do, tell their nonexistent parents?

If Fascism got popularized by autistics, the trains would have run on time.

A man walked into a bar and said, "What do you call a cum shot?"

The people running the bar said, "I don't know, nut."

The guy said, "Are you calling me a nut?"

What happened to the chicken when he crossed the road? He didn't. He got run over by a truck.

Why do cheetahs run? Because they are spotty.

How do you make a cat sound like a dog? Pour gasoline on it, then light it on fire and it will go "WOOF!"

How do you make a dog sound like a cat? Put it in the deep freeze until frozen solid, then run it through an electric saw and it will go "MMMRROWWWWWW!"

My Son: "Mummy, why is my name Thomas?"

Me: "Because the night you were conceived, I had a train run on me."

What do you call an orphan in a wheelchair running into fire? Hot Wheels.

My kid runs in today to tell me that he found a floating cow, but when he got me to come and see, all I saw was a piñata with a tail and white spots. Such a stupid child. So after that I gave him a nice refreshing drink from the toilet and a few of those chocolate sprinkles. (: I'm such a good parent...

Two lions plan their escape from the circus. The night they get out of their cages, they see a lone clown stumbling back from town, drunk, not a soul in sight. Since they are going on the run, they decide to catch one last meal before they hit the road.

As one lion gets a bite of leg, the second takes a piece of shoulder.

Then one stops and asks his companion:

"Does this taste funny to you?"

I got a heart pain then I went to [the] hospital. When the doctor says I am dead, but I run then I jump. I am not dead!

"What happens when an Asian man runs into a brick wall?"

"A broken nose."