Run

Run jokes

Mailman

    • Little Jonny walks in on his parents having sex. He asks what they're doing and the father says: "Well...we're making you a brother." So little Jonny runs off to let his parents finish, happy that he's going to have a brother soon.

    The next day when little Jonny's father comes home, Jonny is crying out on the driveway. The father sits down next to Jonny and asks what's wrong. Jonny cries: "I won't have a baby brother!" His father is confused. "What do you mean?" he asks. "Because the mailman came by today and ate him!"

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    • Child

    • "Yes, officer! It was a requirement to run over that child. It matched perfectly with the beat drop!"

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    • Fax

    • An Australian, an American, and a British man are on a golf course.

    They're all on the green and working out their next shot when a phone starts ringing.

    "Terribly sorry," says the Brit, but instead of getting out a phone, he twists his earlobe around to reveal a speaker and opens his bottom lip to reveal a microphone and takes the call.

    The other two are pretty impressed, and the Brit shrugs modestly.

    "State of the art British tech. Surgically implanted. Amazing stuff."

    They get set to resume, but another phone goes off.

    "Ugh, sorry guys," says the American, but instead of taking out his phone, he holds up his hand, taps the palm with his other hand, and it turns into a screen. As the other two watch, the American has a video call.

    When he's finished, the other two are impressed, but the American waves it off.

    "No biggie. Just the latest and greatest in digital communications from the good old US of A."

    Again, the three are about to continue their game when there's a strange, electronic sound and, much to the other two's surprise, the Aussie runs off into the bushes.

    The Brit and the American follow him and soon find the Aussie squatting down in the middle of a clearing, clothes around his ankles, bare-assed and grunting.

    "What the hell..." one of them says, but the Aussie holds up his hand in apology.

    "Sorry fellas, got a fax coming through..."

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    • Japan

    • Why does Japan not allow little boys to run?

    Because the last time a little boy came, Japan lost a state.

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    • Run memes

    Momma

    • Your momma is so fat, when she chose a yellow shirt when she was on a run, the kids ran after her because they thought they missed the bus.

    Chicken

    • Why did the chicken cross the road because he wanted to get run over and poop, and he died for 30 years until he was sent to Joe for getting run over, and he got killed by something, and then he died, and then he got it by you poop.

    Orphan

    • How to make an orphan's feet bleed? Make them run in place until their parents get them.

    Glove

    • You're walking alone on a street when a person slaps you with a silk glove and runs away. As you watch them run, 2 cops are chasing them.

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    • Libertarian

    • 👱‍♀️ 👱‍♂️What is the difference between two blondes and a Libertarian?

    A Libertarian hasn't won a presidential election since 1972, and two blondes are too stupid to run in a presidential election.

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    • Mama

    • Yo mama so ugly, when she sweats, the sweat runs down the back of her head to avoid her face.

    Draft

    • So, a guy is evading the draft. The cops bang on his door, and he runs out the back, through an alleyway onto a road. He finds a nun and asks if he can hide under her blouse. She complies, and the cops walk by and don't see them. The man comes back up from under the nun's blouse and says, "Hey man, you've got a pair of balls!" The nun says, "I didn't wanna be drafted either..."

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