I went to a sleepover at my best friend's house. He lives with his grandpa and little brother, his mom and dad. His little brother likes to run around the house naked sometimes. I cant help but notice his grandpa always looks up when he does.
Jeff asks, "Did you hear about the guy they call the flash?" Bob responds, "No, I haven't. Do they call him that because he runs fast?" Jeff replies, "Nah, they call him that because he doesn't wear pants."
A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.
One day my mom told me to take out the trash and I did . The next day mom asked me where is your sister and I said a garbage truck took her. Mom started running to try and get the truck before it left
Today was the worst day ever! My brother got run over, and I lost my driver's license!
Little Johnny and little Sally walked in on Mommy and Daddy going at it in the bedroom doggy style. They innocently ask, "Mommy, Daddy what are you doing?" Mommy xays, "Oh, Daddy is just parking his car in Mommy's garage, now go and play" A few minutes later they hear a blood curdling squeal and run to see what was the matter. Little Johnny is running in circles squealing and little Sally says, "Well little Johnny was trying to park his car in my garage and he couldn't get the back wheels in so l she l took the sissors and cut them off."
Did you guys see on the news where they arrested that pervert at the Michaels Crafts store?? He was running around completely naked and had sprinkled glitter all over his testicles. I guess it was pretty nuts.
Children should never run with scissors and lesbians should never scissor with the runs
A guy sits at a bar in a skyscraper restaurant high above the city. He slams a shot of tequila, goes over to the window and jumps out.
The guy sitting next to him can’t believe what he just saw. He’s more surprised when, 10 minutes later, the same guy walks back into the bar and sits down next to him.
The astonished onlooker asks, “How did you do that? I just saw you jump out the window, and we’re hundreds of feet above the ground!”
The jumper responds by slurring, “Well, I don’t get it either. I slam a shot of tequila, and when I jump out the window, the tequila makes me slow down right before I hit the ground. Watch.” He takes a shot, goes to the window and jumps out.
The other guy runs to the window and watches as the guy falls to just above the sidewalk, slows down and lands softly on his feet. A few minutes later, the jumper walks back into the bar.
The other guy has to try it, too, so he orders a shot of tequila. He slams it and jumps out the window. As he reaches the bottom, he doesn’t slow down at all. SPLAT!
The first guy orders another shot of tequila. The bartender shakes his head. “You’re really an a**hole when you’re drunk, Superman.”
A lady runs into a police station and yells "help, help". I've been graped then a police officer says "Do you mean raped". The girl then replies "No there was a bunch of em".
Why can’t orphans play baseball they ant got got no home to run to Why can’t England people play chess they ant got no queen
What did the Tin Man say when he got run over by a steamroller? -- "Curses! Foil again!"
I love fire. My friends love it too. When i set them on fire, they run around and scream. They sometimes get so tired they immediately fall asleep forever. Also, they need a shower.
If you run next to a car you get TIRED, but if you run behind it you get EXHAUSTED
Ill be here all week.... sadly enough for you.
Say what you want about Hitler at least he got the trains to run on time
Why can't orphans play base ball?
Because they don't know how to hit a home run.
I was at a funeral for some kids in a school shooting. I don't understand why everyone was so sad, so I asked a lady, what's so sad and she said "What do you think was running through these kid's head before they died". I replied "probably a bullet", she gasped and said "do you have any idea how insensitive that is, what do you think is running through their parent's heads", I said " probably all the money their losing from this funeral".
So I painted my laptop black, hoping it would run faster... Now it doesn't work
I was walking in the forrest with my gf I had a desert eagle for protection A bear jumped out of the bushes one shot was enough to put my gf down and it gave me enough time to run away
Why does the orange 🍊 beat the other fruits 🍎 in every race?
Because it never runs out of juice.
