Robbery jokes
Why did the coffee file a police report?
Because it got mugged.
One day, a snail got robbed by two turtles.
The cops arrived and arrested the woman for killing her cheating husband, and the son was sent to child services. (Moral - no one cares about the frkn snail and turtles!)
A thief walks up to a man in a suit and pulls out a gun. The thief says: "Give me your money." The man in the suit turns around surprised. He raises his hands and says: "But, wait! You can't do that, I am a Congressman!" The thief replies: "Oh, sorry. Give me MY money."
Why did the skeleton not rob the bank? He did not have the guts!
Robber: This is a robbery, bitch!
Gunsalesman: No u
Today I donated my watch, phone, and $500 to a poor guy. You wouldn't believe the happiness I felt as he slid the pistol back into his pocket.
If a wizard gets robbed by a muggle, has he been muggled?
Me: (pointing up in the air) "Everybody listen up, this is a robbery!"
Girl: "Dude, this is a library."
Me: "Oh." (screwing on a silencer)
What did the comedian say when he walked into a bank?
"This is a stand-up."
A shoplifter tried to rob a grocery store.
He was asked to give an "eggsplanation."
Did you hear about the guy that was cutting off people's feet and taking them?
It took my sole.
One day, a snail got robbed by two turtles. Once the cops arrived and asked what had happened, the snail said, "I don't know, it all happened too fast!"
So, some thieves robbed me the other day. They took everything I owned, except for the soap, towels, and deodorant.
Dirty bastards.
What do you call an otter video game that is about robbing?-
Grand Theft Otter!
I walked into a store, and I pointed a stick to the roof and said, "This is a stick up!"
Why did the bank robber shoot the man with no arms?
Because he told the man to put his hands up.
What's the difference between an amateur thief and a professional thief?
The amateur thief says, "Give me all your money!" The professional thief says, "Sign here please."
Give a man a gun, and he will rob a bank.
Give a man a bank, and he will rob everyone.