Roast jokes

My biggest joke: I’d show you, but I don’t have a mirror to show you.

Your mom is heavier than Mariah can even carry.

You're the type of person to wash your hands after a shower.

Everyone always has a special person in their life someday, but I think yours got ran over by a bus.

Joe mama is so fat, Dora can't explore her.

I’d roast you, but your mirror does that for me every day.

Someone: "I WANNA BE THE SUN OF YOUR LIFE!"

Me: Then stay at 1,000,000 km of me.

Yo mama's so fat, when she skips a meal, the stock market drops.

Yo mama is so fat, her car has stretch marks.

Joe mama so fat she went wearing high heels and came back in flip flops.

If there was a zombie, you would not die because you have no brain.

Me: I know why you don't have friends.

Kid: Why?

Me: Because you can't even figure that out.

I called my mom on Alexa, and she told me, "Please take out the trash." I said, "But I can't, you're not here."

You're cheap; no one even pays attention.

Your mama is so fat that she took a picture at Christmas, and it's still downloading.

Imagine being such a low life that you need people to roast you to have stuff to do.

You're so ugly when your mom dropped you off at school, she got a fine for littering.

What do you call a woodpecker with no beak? A headbanger.

You're gay.

Bro, I am straighter than the pole that your mom dances on for me every night.

Boy, look at your hair. It be looking like the McDonald's symbol.