Roast jokes

If there was a zombie, you would not die because you have no brain.

What's the difference between your dad and a boomerang?

The boomerang comes back.

You're the type of person to wash your hands after a shower.

Everyone always has a special person in their life someday, but I think yours got ran over by a bus.

Joe mama is so fat, Dora can't explore her.

I’d roast you, but your mirror does that for me every day.

Yo mama's so fat, when she skips a meal, the stock market drops.

Yo mama is so fat, her car has stretch marks.

Joe mama so fat she went wearing high heels and came back in flip flops.

Someone: "I WANNA BE THE SUN OF YOUR LIFE!"

Me: Then stay at 1,000,000 km of me.

Me: I know why you don't have friends.

Kid: Why?

Me: Because you can't even figure that out.

I called my mom on Alexa, and she told me, "Please take out the trash." I said, "But I can't, you're not here."

You're cheap; no one even pays attention.

Your mama is so fat that she took a picture at Christmas, and it's still downloading.

Imagine being such a low life that you need people to roast you to have stuff to do.

You're so ugly when your mom dropped you off at school, she got a fine for littering.

You're gay.

Bro, I am straighter than the pole that your mom dances on for me every night.

What do you call a woodpecker with no beak? A headbanger.

Boy, look at your hair. It be looking like the McDonald's symbol.

My sister said that you know that "that" is really cool. Then I said, "You know you can shut up."