Retail jokes
What’s the difference between a barcode and Rachel Sutherland’s wrist?
Nothing, they both get scanned for a fresh new pack of razor blades.
Yo momma is so fat, when she sat on Walmart, she lowered the prices.
I first saw her in the Walmart picking out your drawers.
A girl walks into an Adult Store. "Hi, I want to buy that red dildo right there."
Cashier: "That's a fire extinguisher, you whore."
When was the first Black Friday?
1619.
Yo mama's so stupid she got locked in Mattress World and slept on the floor.
Walmart (DYM 73).
What story does an orphan always get kicked out of? Home Depot.
What do you call an angry shopper?
A cuss-tomer.
I once saw a one-handed man in a second-hand store. I told him, “I don’t think they have what you’re looking for, sir.”
Do you know where priests go at night?
To all night sale at Boys R Us.
Is Stephen Hawking under warranty? If so, can I bring him back to Currys PC World?
I was gobsmacked when I encountered the Jacko special at a Bunnings sausage sizzle. A 40-year-old sausage on 7-year-old white bread.
I can get my grandma 50% off from her groceries by just scanning my wrist.
What's an orphan's favorite store?
Home Depot.
A girl asked her mom, "Why is my name Walmart?"
Her dad replied and said, "Because that’s where you were made."
Why did the dwarf get a job at Lidl?
Because every Lidl helps.
What’s worse than George Bush doing 9/11? Jeffrey Epstein doing nine Elevens.
Where would you take Stephen Hawking if he dies, the funeral directors or PC World?
My 14 year old daughter went shopping at a grocery story.
She gets to the register and she asked the cashier to scan her scarred wrist.
The cashier scanned it and replied with, "Ma'am this item is worthless."