A depressed guy walks into a utensil store and finds a knife, but he didn't stab himself... Part 2 coming out tomorrow.
I meant to say, what’s an orphan's least favorite store to go to?
Family Dollar store.
Dying mall be like...
"Toys" were us.
Goodbye, kitty.
Dying Canes.
I have to say my humor isn't the best, but I'll give this a go.
My science teacher always reminded us about kilometers per second. Now I want to kilometer per second.
You know those credit card inserters at Walgreens? I want to insert my credit card on my wrist.
I'll shut up now.
What’s one store an orphan can’t shop at?
HomeGoods ;)
The cashier kicked me out because when he asked for 99 cents, I gave him 99 scents.
How does Stephen Hawking get clean?
He uses Tesco car wash.
ASDA.
Police seek clues to explain Walmart.
Walmart (DYM 73).
I went to a gun shop yesterday. Everything was half off. I didn't know that back to school sales have begun.
I got carded at a liquor store, and my Blockbuster card accidentally fell out. The cashier said, "Never mind."
I can get my grandma 50% off from her groceries by just scanning my wrist.
I went to the shops yesterday. I bought roast chicken, eggs, and duck. The cashier read $45.99. It was an egg-cellent price!
Where do leg amputees go to buy a car?
IHOP
I went to the super market one day and I saw a Caesar salad for 69 dollars. Next minute someone comes up to me and says, "Caesar deez nutz!"
"Stephen Hawking was talking about a cash register at Costco when he said I can’t stand these people. 😳😳😳😳😳😳 What did he saaaaaaayyyyyyy?"
A young family moved into a house next to a vacant lot.
One day a construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot. The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and spent much of each day observing the workers.
Eventually the construction crew more or less adopted her as a kind of project mascot. They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had coffee and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important.
At the end of the first week, they even presented her with a pay envelope containing ten dollars. The little girl took this home to her mother who suggested that she take her $10 "pay" to the bank the next day to start a savings account.
When the girl and her mom got to the bank, the teller was equally impressed and asked the little girl how she had come by her very own paycheck at such a young age. The little girl proudly replied, "I worked last week with a real construction crew building the new house next door to us."
"Oh, my goodness gracious," said the teller, "and will you be working on the house again this week, too?"
The little girl replied, "I will, if those assholes at Lowe's ever deliver the fucking sheet rock!"
Yo mama so stupid, she asks for the restroom on Amazon.
Why did the priest go to the clothing sale at Walmart?
He heard that little boy's pants were half off.
