Retail jokes
What do you call an angry shopper?
A cuss-tomer.
I just ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon.
I'll let you know.
There's one shop orphans can't go to, but what is it?
Home Depot.
Where do orphans shop? Home Depot.
I went into the supermarket; everything was half off. Of course, I took the bottom half of Spider-Man.
Stephen Hawking robbed the Apple store looking for a charger.
Your mom is so stupid, she got lost in Bed Bath & Beyond and slept on the floor.
What store does an orphan always get kicked out of?
Home Depot.
What do you say to your customer at a popsicle stand when he asks for the price?
Dollar a pop!
Get it?
My 14 year old daughter went shopping at a grocery story.
She gets to the register and she asked the cashier to scan her scarred wrist.
The cashier scanned it and replied with, "Ma'am this item is worthless."
What is an orphan's favorite store? Home Depot.
What did the store manager say when they ran out of toilet paper?
We’re wiped out!
A guy walks into a gun store and everything is half off. He looks at his son and says, "I didn't know back to school sales started yet."
Why should you never fart in an Apple store?
Because they have no Windows!
Dying mall be like...
"Toys" were us.
Goodbye, kitty.
Dying Canes.
I meant to say, what’s an orphan's least favorite store to go to?
Family Dollar store.
A depressed guy walks into a utensil store and finds a knife, but he didn't stab himself... Part 2 coming out tomorrow.
I have to say my humor isn't the best, but I'll give this a go.
My science teacher always reminded us about kilometers per second. Now I want to kilometer per second.
You know those credit card inserters at Walgreens? I want to insert my credit card on my wrist.
I'll shut up now.
Yo momma is so fat, when she sat on Walmart, she lowered the prices.
The cashier kicked me out because when he asked for 99 cents, I gave him 99 scents.