Retail jokes
Given that it's a major guarantee that little boys' underwear will be half off at Kmart thanks to the blue light specials, now you know why Michael Jackson likes to loiter around the store all day long.
I have to say my humor isn't the best, but I'll give this a go.
My science teacher always reminded us about kilometers per second. Now I want to kilometer per second.
You know those credit card inserters at Walgreens? I want to insert my credit card on my wrist.
I'll shut up now.
Food makers are proudly presenting human flesh-made foods. Donate your useless friends and family to us because we're saving lives.
T and C apply. This is only in the best shops in your town, or down the road, or in your country. 1 like = 1 family member donated 'cause we're saving lives😎😎
What store does an orphan always get kicked out of?
Home Depot.
What’s the similarity between peas from Tesco and emos?
They both have barcodes.
What is an orphan's least favorite store? Home Depot.
Why should you never fart in an Apple store?
Because they have no Windows!
Why can orphans go to Thacker Jewelry?
They love to see the whole family.
What's the same with your dad and Retail Row?
They are both off the map.
Where do T. Rexes shop? Dino-stores.
I was walking down the street one day, and I passed the gun store. I walked in, and everything was half off. I didn't know back-to-school sales had started already!
Stephen Hawking, rest in PC World.
When you're walking through the garden section at Walmart and you hear your grandpa screaming, "They're in the fucking trees!"
What's an orphan's least favorite store to go to?
Home Depot.
Where do sheep go to shop?
Woolmart.
I feel bad for shopping carts. They're always being pushed around.
If Stephen Hawking had a heart attack, would he go to hospital or Curry's PC World?
I drove by the gun shop the other day and everything was half off for back to school.
I was joking about self-harm to my friend, and she told me to "CUT it out!" I couldn't even laugh.
When we were at the self-checkout, she started scanning my arms. I asked her what she was doing. She said, "Trying to see if it beeps, ya think I'd get it to work if I scanned your thighs?"
I said, "Nah, bro, you'd overload the system if you put it there."
What did the emo kid say to the cashier? ... "Scan my wrists."