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Restaurant jokes

Waitress: You wanna box for your leftovers?

Me: No, but I'll arm wrestle you for the bill.

So, I went out to eat the other day, and the waitress came up to me and asked if I wanted a glass of water. I said, "Yes ma'am." She said, "Oh honey, you don't have to call me ma'am, I'm not that old." I said, "Okay, thanks bitch."

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    • Who works at IHOP? A girl with one leg.

    P1: Why did the chicken cross the road?

    P2: To get to the other side DUH?!?

    P1: No dumbass, it's to get run over because he has depression, a chronic illness, and his father left him for a good for nothing pimp that doesn’t even give a shit about how he feels. (Kinda like me).

    P2: Holy shit are u ok? *Some random eavesdropping fucker dials 911 in a hurry*

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    • Why can't an orphan go to McDonald's? There's no point in the words "happy meal."

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    • A man was sitting in the restaurant and ordered a whole buffet. He is visited by an oracle. Apollo says, "If you eat that buffet, everyone you love will die."

    "Up yours," the man said, "What are they going to die of, famine?"

    Moments later, there was an incident that took place in the restaurant. Everyone literally died. It turned out the restaurant had a B-. I said, "Is that really a thing groaning on the hospital?"

    The doctor said, "Know that is your condition, you have hepatitis B-."

    "What the FU***** SH**"

    Apollo is sitting in Mount Olympus, dying also in laughter.

    My pal asked me why nobody wants to eat the spaghetti he makes in his restaurant.

    Well, because it's impastable.

    What do you call Dominos when it doesn't know how to cook pizza?

    Domi-don't-knows...

    Things said by racist aliens:

    "Some of my best friends are Green."

    "I just know that Orange guy stole my spaceship."

    "You're very pretty for a Purple girl."

    "We know you Tentacletians like to rape everyone with your tentacles!"

    "Adax Hitao should have finished off you Bluish people."

    "You 2-headed people are so stupid!"

    "No Slimatians are allowed in this restaurant because of health codes."

    "Get out of my store you grigger!"

    "The Plu Plux Plum meeting is tonight! Let's burn some spaceships on the Greenies' lawns!"

    Waiter says, "Sir, we ran out of ranch, so I had the boys in the back improvise. But don't worry... It has even more zip & twang to it!"

    Man asking waitress, "Pardon me, miss, may I ask you about the menu, please?"

    Waitress, "It's none of your business about the men I please!"

    When your wife gets pregnant and you don't want a kid, just come on down to Momma Mia's Pizzeria and abortion clinic!

    Hot women with big boobs work at Hooters, but where does a handicap woman work?

    IHOP.

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