Why do Black people go to a confession stand at the Catholic Church?
They wanna know what it’s like to speak to a father.
My girlfriend who is a Jehovah witness had sex with me so hard she turned to Christianity
How do you trick a homophobic heterosexual male that is a roman catholic priest into using the glory hole inside the men's restroom at a gay bar? Tell him that it is a confessional booth
What did God say when he made the first woman? Where is your dick at?
I believe everything in the Bible until I read about the Jew giving out the free fish?
What does the word circumcise mean?
Cut off a boy's or a man's dick, or cut off a girl's or a woman's foreskin.
The little girl's dad was Jewish and her mom was Catholic. Mom had been taking the little girl to church every Sunday.
One Sunday, during High Mass, the little girl whispers to her mom, “Mom, can we go home now?”
“No honey, not yet,” replied the mother, “the Mass is only half over.”
“Then we can go now, Mom. I'm half Jewish
One day a local pastor was visiting the home of some parishioners who had a teenage son. The parents were worried about what career their son would choose, so the pastor said he had a simple test that could predict what would become of him.
He would put three objects on a table and let the young man choose whichever one he wanted to have: a Bible, a wallet, and a bottle of scotch. If the boy chose the Bible, he would probably become a priest; if he chose the wallet, he'd be a banker; and if he chose the bottle, he'd become a worthless bum.
So the parents called their son into the room, and the pastor told him he could have whichever object he wished. When the boy promptly picked up all three, the pastor cried out, "Heaven forbid! He's going to be a Jesuit!"
Why is Christianity the most dramatic religion? Because other religions say do do do But Christianity says done done done
Scientists make skyscrapers and airplanes
Religion crashes them.
Why are Republicans supporting giving felons the right to vote?
Because their own personal jeebus is a felon!
do you want to give your life to God and be in heaven
I used to believe everything in the Bible until I tell I read about the Jew giving out the free fish
During a discussion at Sunday school, a nun asks the children what they think God takes you by when you die. A kid responds, "I think God takes you by your feet, because once I walked into my parents room and my mom's feet were in the air and she was screaming, "Oh God, I'm coming!!!"
In 2011, Stephen Hawking said there is no God. In 2018, God said there is no Steve Hawking.
I think God is cool with abortion
After all, he did kill his only son
Me yelling every gay slur to get suspended
I’m in catholic school
Muslim religion is just pregnant women saying Allah hu akbar and exploding a bus
The Drunk and a priest
On a bus, a priest sat next to a drunk who was struggling to read a newspaper.
Suddenly, with a slurred voice, the drunk asked the priest:
"Do you know what arthritis is?"
The parish priest soon thought of taking the opportunity to lecture the drunk and replied:
"It's a disease caused by sinful and unruly life: excess, consumption of alcohol, drugs, marijuana, crack, and certainly lost women, prostitutes, promiscuity, sex, binges and other things I dare not say."
The drunk widened his eyes, shut up and continued reading the newspaper.
A little later the priest, thinking that he had been too hard on the drunk, tried to soften:
"How long have you had arthritis?"
"I don't have arthritis! It says here in the paper that the Pope has it."
I was blessed with a 9 inch penis.
The priest is in jail now.
