What do you call a Mexican fighting a Catholic priest?
Alien vs. Predator.
Religion Jokes
Do y'all love Jesus, God? 🙏❤️
How is [someone] blessed with a 9 inch dick?
That priest is in jail now. Shout out to the church!
I used to believe everything in the Bible until I read about the Jew giving out the free fish.
A normal exorcism is getting a demon out of a person, but a reverse exorcism is the devil telling the priest to get out of the child.
What’s the difference between God and Hitler?
God made thousands of bread, Hitler made thousands of toast.
Why can't Jesus judge gay people?
He got nailed right before he died.
They say you should love your neighbor. Does that mean I have to love the president?
What do priests give children?
Syphilis.
Did you hear about that Muslim party?
It was a blast!
What does a priest and Christmas tree have in common? The balls are just for decoration.
I bought my fat wheelchair son a treadmill for his birthday, then that big brainless special motherfucker cried over it and threw a fit cuz his fat special ass couldn't get up out of his wheelchair and said for Jesus to raise him up and give him working and movable legs.
God creates dog.
God: "You are man's best friend."
Dog: "That's pretty sexist."
God: "No, man as in- You know what, FUCK IT! You can't speak!"
Dog: "....."
God: "And chocolate kills you!"
Dog: "🐶"
"When God sends me to hell... I want him to hesitate." -Techno
What do you call a nun on a bike?
Virgin Mobile.
During a discussion at Sunday school, a nun asks the children what they think God takes you by when you die. A kid responds, "I think God takes you by your feet, because once I walked into my parents' room and my mom's feet were in the air and she was screaming, "Oh God, I'm coming!!!"
Me: *reading a sign* "Children are a gift from god."
Me: "No, they are a gift from the underworld."
Mother: "Yeah, I picked you up at the gift shop on my way out."
Mother: "You are a spawn of Satan."
In 2011, Stephen Hawking said there is no God. In 2018, God said there is no Steve Hawking.
A bus full of ugly people is driving down the street. The bus crashes and everyone goes to heaven. They see Saint Peter, and he feels bad for them and grants them one wish before they go into heaven. The first one says, "I wish to be attractive." The second one says the same.
Meanwhile, the 3rd person in line is giggling and snickering and laughing while Saint Peter is granting wishes. Curiously, he asks why he is laughing. He says, "I was going to wish that they turned ugly again."
ISIS is the mark of the beast.
