They say you should love your neighbor. Does that mean I have to love the president?
What do priests give children?
Syphilis.
Did you hear about that Muslim party?
It was a blast!
I bought my fat wheelchair son a treadmill for his birthday, then that big brainless special motherfucker cried over it and threw a fit cuz his fat special ass couldn't get up out of his wheelchair and said for Jesus to raise him up and give him working and movable legs.
God creates dog.
God: "You are man's best friend."
Dog: "That's pretty sexist."
God: "No, man as in- You know what, FUCK IT! You can't speak!"
Dog: "....."
God: "And chocolate kills you!"
Dog: "🐶"
"When God sends me to hell... I want him to hesitate." -Techno
What do you call a nun on a bike?
Virgin Mobile.
During a discussion at Sunday school, a nun asks the children what they think God takes you by when you die. A kid responds, "I think God takes you by your feet, because once I walked into my parents' room and my mom's feet were in the air and she was screaming, "Oh God, I'm coming!!!"
Me: *reading a sign* "Children are a gift from god."
Me: "No, they are a gift from the underworld."
Mother: "Yeah, I picked you up at the gift shop on my way out."
Mother: "You are a spawn of Satan."
In 2011, Stephen Hawking said there is no God. In 2018, God said there is no Steve Hawking.
A bus full of ugly people is driving down the street. The bus crashes and everyone goes to heaven. They see Saint Peter, and he feels bad for them and grants them one wish before they go into heaven. The first one says, "I wish to be attractive." The second one says the same.
Meanwhile, the 3rd person in line is giggling and snickering and laughing while Saint Peter is granting wishes. Curiously, he asks why he is laughing. He says, "I was going to wish that they turned ugly again."
ISIS is the mark of the beast.
Why are Muslims not fond of American cops?
Because Muslims don't like pigs!
A child, molester, and priest walk into a bar.
He orders a drink.
What do you call a space Muslim?
A Tusken Raider.
Why did God create women before men?
He didn’t want any advice on how to do it.
I believe Alia is a true god because they say in the beginning there was an explosion.
I think God is cool with abortion.
After all, he did kill his only son.
A rapist, pedophile, and a priest walk into a bar. He orders a beer.
Same person.
What do you get when you cross a Jewish person?
Christianity.
