Relatives Jokes

A guy is sitting in a bar, feeling sad. "What's the matter?" asks the bartender.

"My paternal uncle died three months ago."

"Wow! No wonder you're sad!"

"It's not that. He left me a third of his estate."

"Then what's the matter?"

"My maternal uncle died two months ago."

"Two uncles in two months? No wonder you're sad!"

"It's not that either. He left me half of his estate."

"Then what's the matter?"

"My father died last month."

"Your dad too? No wonder you're sad!"

"It's not that. He left me his entire estate."

"Then what's the matter?"

With a massive sob, the guy says, "None of my relatives died this month!"

What do you call a dude that is always high and gets higher than everyone else in the family? The alpha pothead!

My elderly relatives like to tease me at weddings, saying, "You'll be next!"..

They soon stopped though, when I started to do the same to them at funerals.

Alabama.

Every time there's a family reunion, a baby is born 9 months later.

What is Alabama’s family tree? A circle.

At 5 years old, I already knew how to throw paper airplanes thanks to my Arabian relatives!

Sister: You're adopted.

Me: At least they wanted me, they must feel terribly bad cuz they had to keep you :(

I got caught fucking a dead body by my family. RIP grandma.

My family is like treasure. You need a shovel and a map to find them.

My elderly relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying, “You’ll be next!”

They soon stopped though, once I started doing the same to them at funerals.

My family is like treasure; you need a map and a shovel to find them.

Family feud after finding out about Alabama.

Harry Potter has an invisibility cloak, I have family.

Ever seen the show Naked and Afraid? That’s what I call hide-and-seek with my uncle.

My relatives used to tease me at weddings, saying I'd be next. They soon stopped when I started doing the same to them at funerals.

My relatives always teased me during weddings, saying, "You'll be next!"

But they stopped when I did the same to them during funerals.

Sex has no feeling with our cousin. Because both are relative.

Why can't orphans have a big bag of chips?

Because they're family sized!

Your family tree looks like a circle 💀💀💀

What's a penguin's favorite relative?

Aunt Arctic.