Relationship jokes
I hate my wife.
*cue laugh*
My wife told me to be more in touch with my feminine side, so I crashed the car.
Throw a plate.
It’s broken, right?
Say “sorry” to it.
Did it fix back?
No... that’s the same thing you did to me :)
What did the brother say to the other brother? "You are brother, brother."
Depression hits harder than my dad.
The only people who do yo mama jokes wish they had a mom.
The moment when she tells you: "I'm a virgin. Be gentle!" And you tell her, "Don't worry, I used to work with kids."
Why did the orphan say, "Help?" He needed his brother.
How do you save your wife from drowning?
Take your foot off her neck.
Why does my girlfriend have a dick? Oh wait, I'm gay.
I have a girlfriend with a big dick.
Boy: "Mister, can I get candy?"
Mister: No, you shit head.
Boy: Why? :(
Mister: Because I'm not your dad.
So funny hahaha this is why I don't have friends :(
What is the difference between a normal joke and a dad joke?
When it leaves and never comes back.
Jack and Rose went on a cruise to do it in the water.
Jack seldom wore a condom, and now they have a daughter.
Why can't orphans have sex?
Because they have no one to call "daddy."
My son said that bully needs a pounding, then I say, "Yeah, right, that is what I said and did to your mother." My son opens his mouth and freezes. I guess he knew what I was talking about.
I told my therapist you are too fat and ugly to date grown men. Then she asked me, "You wanna give a judgemental reaction about that?" I said, "Okay, you smell rat pee on somebody's cock."
How do you know your sister is on her period? Your dad's c**k tastes like s**t!
You know why Elmer Fudd always came out hunting rabbits in the woods? Because Bugs Bunny would not stop flirting with his girlfriend.