Relationship jokes

I'm in jail for 5 minutes and I already got fucked 15 times. You don't have any idea how much I hate playing Monopoly with my dad.

What does an orphan call a family picture?

Answer: a selfie.

I’m horny who else is *ugh ugh papi harder*.

What do you call an orphan's selfie?

A family photo.

Wife: Honey! Do you like tea?

Husband: No, I like after "T"!

It means: the letter "U": you!

Dad: Son, you're adopted.

Son: Oh wow, I wonder who my real parents are.

Dad: We are your real parents. Your adopted parents are coming to pick you up.

Friend A: "Why are you still a virgin, bro?"

Friend B: "I was until last night."

Friend A: "Nah, nah, who with?"

Friend B: "Your sister."

Friend A: "I don't have a sister."

Friend B: "Just wait 9 months, you'll see."

Husband: Hey, my dear, this lunch is great. Where did you find the recipe?

Wife: In a detective novel.

You're really sexy 😉

What to say to a single guy who's insulting you: "Shut up, you horny virgin!"

Why can’t orphans have sex?

They have no one to call "daddy."

Everyone says Kenny has an easy life.

I disagree. I hear his mom likes complicated sex positions.

I was making a bet with my grandfather about who would die first. I said that I would die first.

He said "Bet" and died after he drank his coffee.

He was my least favorite grandparent.

A young boy was talking to his friend about his family:

"My great-grandfather fought against Napoleon, my grandfather fought against the English, my father fought against the Americans, and my uncle against the Argentinians."

The friend replied: "It seems that your family can't get along with anybody!"

So, Little Johnny comes home from school knowing damn well he messed up his math test. His mother and father get home and he tells them, "Mom, I failed my math test." His mother aggressively says, "Get the belt!" Johnny says, "Why?" His mother says, "I'm gonna spank you for failing!" Johnny says, "So just like daddy?" His father turns red knowing what they did last night.

Denki: Hey, Mineta, I have a joke for you.

Mineta: Go on.

Denki: Uraraka's booty.

Mineta: I don't get it.

Denki: Exactly.

Mineta: ^cries T_T^

Why did the boy ask a question to the girl?

I was talking to my friend, and he said, "I lost my virginity to a girl, and then she stopped coming to school." And I said, "Probably because she was fired."

What's the difference between a phone and a girl? You can turn it off whenever you want.

My sister said I'm stupid and I'm a baby, and I said, "Oh, I didn't know we were talking about you."