Reality Jokes

This is why orphans are dangerous with cardboard. They either start eating it or making it into a house and hallucinating that they have a family.

So I threw out the cardboard and said, "You have to stay in reality. Fantasies aren't real. You can't and will never get a home."

Next day, they make cardboard parents, so I threw that away and said, "Pay attention to reality; you will never get parents."

Next day, they start acting like parents and tell me what to do. Again, I said, "Snap to reality. You will never be a parent!" The orphan responded with, "Oh, really?! How so?" I just simply said, "You don't have a house and parents. You literally like eating cardboard, and then you make parents out of it. You like to eat old people!"

What kind of tea is hard to swallow?

Reali-tea.

"Bill? Bill?" Bill hears faintly in the distance.

Bill Nye snapped back into reality only to find he had peed all over the set.

I had a dream that I was destroying the world, and I blew up my house for fun. I woke up and couldn't find my pillow... nor the house.

Aloneness is not the joke, it's unfortunately my reality.

I aM dUh GoOdEsT jOkeR

The image is split into two frames. The top frame is labeled "HAWAII EXPECTATIONS" and shows animated characters, one is a muscular male with dark tattoos holding a staff, the other is a slim woman in a skirt holding a paddle. The bottom frame is labeled "HAWAII REALITY" and shows the same two characters, with the roles reversed. The female is now muscular, and the male is slimmer. Text is on the image and an username: @inline5.

What type of tea does the Social Justice Warrior avoid?

Reality.

His life.

It's sad when the person that gave you memories becomes a memory.

You know one of the worst feelings ever to exist?

When your parents and friends all still see the happy little kid you used to be...

...but in reality, that kid has been long gone for years. (not my words)

So I was asleep and woke up and went to work. My wife left already to her job. I was driving my car and ran over someone. I woke up in my bed, realized it was all a dream.

20 minutes later I got a phone call that my wife got hit by a car.

You know when people say a joke about living?

That's because we are all living a joke.

What does Fortnite and real life have in common?

They both lost their tower.

1979: I bet there will be "flying cars" in "the future."

2019: The flying cars future.

Did you hear about the cello player who dreamed he was performing Bolero?

He woke up and found out it was true.

The show COPS has been dropped from broadcast,

honoring the longstanding tradition of police turning off their cameras.

Putin be like CSGO is much harder in real life!

In the cute fantasies: "Est-ce que tu manges du poulet? Attendez une seconde, VOTRE PROFESSEUR VEGAN!!!!!"

In reality: "Are you eating chicken? Wait a second, YOUR THE VEGAN TEACHER!!!"

Guy: Do you know how to draw woman's rights?

Girl: No, how?

Guy: All you need is a blank paper and reality.

A sister told her brother to walk to the store, buy some candy, and watch a movie with her while eating the candy.

But he couldn't walk because he has no legs. He couldn't buy candy because he has no arms. He couldn't watch a movie because he was blind, and he couldn't eat because he has no stomach. Who said he was real?