Put jokes

Why is it wrong to put a beef or turkey patty in a burger?

'Cause it's a ham-burger, isn't it?

I saw a cat. It said, "Raisin" when he saw a nut. Hahaha, I am a crappy joker. Put me in the nerd club.

Why did the skeleton not tell jokes? It lost its funny bone. Maybe you should try putting it back.

Little Johnny once was at a camp and asked his teacher if he could sleep with her because he was homesick, so the teacher said yes. A few seconds later, Little Johnny asked if he could run his finger in her bellybutton, and she said yes.

A few seconds later, she moaned and felt so good, but it was not his finger putting it down her bellybutton; it was his dick and her penis.

Sat at a busy intersection with a slice of bread, waiting for a traffic jam.

Cut a hole in the rug so he could see a dirty floor show.

He took hay to bed to feed his nightmare.

Took a tape measure to bed to see how long he slept.

Put his nose out the window so the wind will blow it.

Died with his boots on because he didn't want to hurt his toes when he kicked the bucket.

I've got not much of anything to be honest.

Been in special classes in school.

Not liked by people.

Only relationship I've ever had and she cheated on me.

31 years old and never had sex, pathetic.

Not very smart.

Don't look good.

Hate myself more than anything.

Been a failure at everything in life.

Probably be alone forever.

People treat me like crap.

Can't do anything right.

And the list goes on and on.

So the question is why haven't I killed myself yet? The answer is, I forget. I'm a extreme procrastinator, keep just putting it off because I'll probably just fuck it up anyway.

Q. What do you get if you put hot water down a rabbit hole?

A. Hot cross bunnies!

What kind of knight puts dumb jokes on the internet?

You!

Neona (😟): I bet you I'm not going to get that job at all!

Gwen (😌): Yeah well, I believe in you.

Neona (😔): You got the job, and am I still waiting for them to call me and remind me that I will, but I won't get it. Anyway, I need to prepare for a job that I won't get.

Gwen (😠): Neona, you just don't got enough confidence. You got to have confidence in life. I know you will get the job. I do now. Just believe instead of giving up!

Neona (😞): UGH fine!!!

Gwen (😉): I'll see you at that job interview!!!! Put a smile on your face, too!

Neona (😊): Okay...Gwen, you're the best!

Lil Johnny looked in his pants and couldn’t find his fish, so he started to yell out, "Lil fishy, lil fishy, lil fishy!" They called child support and sent the parents to jail for putting a fish up a child’s butt.

What do McDonalds and priests both do?

They both put their meat between 10-year-old buns.

What's the worst thing about eating a shaved pussy?

Putting the diaper back on.

How do you start a rave in Ethiopia?

You put food on the ceiling and they start jumping.

Jack and Jill went up to an abandoned house.

Jack drank too much and unzipped his fly. Jack said, "You know you wanna." Jill said, "No." So Jack locked both of them in the house and put a gag in Jill's mouth, tied her to a bed. He ripped off her dress and underwear. He took off his pants and his underwear too, then put on a condom. He then put a pill in her mouth and made her swallow. One minute later she was asleep. He took off her gag and mounted himself on her, then stuck his "candystick" in her mouth, next her fanny. Then his condom broke, but he was too drunk to notice. Nine months later a baby's born and Jack's in jail as the father.

What is a definition of tight?

A. Putting a blind man in a round room and saying, "Your dinner's in the corner."

I was riding my bike down the road!

When a car started coming, I started running.

It put me in a crash with my elbow through my ass! ;)

How do you surprise a 50-year-old man? By putting a 12-inch dick through his ass.

He said, "Best surprise ever!"

What should you do after banging the tightest pussy?..

Just put the diaper on her 😉

If your butt hurts real bad, put some vapor rub and booty cream on it so it can heal back to normal.

All these females swear they loyal... but you can’t put loyalty on a hoe.