Pussy jokes

Q: What do the mob and pussy have in common?

A: One slip of the tongue and you're in deep shit.

A boy walks up to a girl and says, "I would tell you a joke about my dick, but it’s too long."

Then the girl says, "Yeah, I would tell you a joke about my pussy, but you’ll never get it."

Anyone want to eat me up? I'm in that kind of mood right now.

What do you do after fucking the loosest pussy ever?

Close the casket.

I went home one day and see a few married guys in line in my sister's room. I ask what's going on, my sister is running a contest. The contest is the married guys lick her pussy and guess what she had for breakfast. The winner gets a free blowjob. As a brother, I couldn't be more prouder that she thought that she made up that contest.

Can we have sex, because if we don't, I can't like you, big, thick booty!

So let's have sex in bed, you sexy woman, or behind a tree, because shoving my dick in your pussy is a very nice feeling while sucking your ass.

I wanted to fuck my mom, but she replied, "My pussy only belongs to your dad." That's why I had to fuck her in the a$$!

I got up one day; my neighbor was in my house and was going to take me and my mom out. I showed my mom and my neighbor a trick. They both liked it. I asked my neighbor, "Do you know any tricks?" He said, "Yes, in matter of fact, I could tell you what your mom had for breakfast." I said, "How?" Well, my neighbor licked my mom's ass and ate her pussy out in front of me. He told me my mom had pancakes. So we were in the car; I asked my neighbor, "How did you know what my mom had pancakes for breakfast?" My neighbor said, "Well, that is what your mom made me while we were waiting for you to get up."

What's worse than sticking 12 raw oysters up your grandma's pussy and sucking them out?

Sticking 12 raw oysters up there and sucking out 13.

Man 1: Dude, Viagra is for pussies. Real men don’t need Viagra.

Man 2: I thought Viagra was for dicks?

Have you been to that paraplegic strip club? It's crawling with pussy!

Joke: I went to a paraplegic strip club the other day, the place was crawling with pussy.

Three guys are standing in an alley on an alien planet, and the psycho one says, "However many tits your girl has is how many balls you have!"

The first guy says, "Ha! My girlfriend has six! I'm racked up!" The second guy said, "Eh, I am happy with two balls." The third guy said, "Shit! My girlfriend is flat as fuck!"

A guy listening in enters and says, "Bro, you actually have girlfriends. I do not. Does that mean I have a pussy?"

What does an Arab prostitute say?

"Bomb my pussy!"

What's the difference between red wings and old cassette tape players?

One eats tape while the other eats pussy.

What is the difference between the National Organization For Carpet Munchers and the National Organization For Women?

The National Organization For Women has more experience in being a carpet muncher because they eat more pussy.

Why should a feminist never join the United Auto Workers, UAW?

Because the only thing that a feminist would do in the United Auto Workers, UAW is lick pussy all day in the woman's restroom.

What do you call a guy who loves to eat out a hoe's pussy?

Answer: a Carnivwhore.

How on God's green earth does my boyfriend have a phone?

JK WE NEED TO TALK ILL TYPE THE SECRET CODE (YOU'LL KNOW WHAT IT MEANS.) GREEN PUSSY CAT LIKES BANNANS.

What do you get when you cross a lesbian and a platypus? I lick a lot of pussy.