Feline jokes

Where did the cat go when it lost its tail? -- To the retail store!

What's the difference between a cat and a banana? It's hard to peel a cat.

Why did the cat cross the road?

To make a catastrophy on the road.

I was reading a book about an immortal cat the other day; it was impossible to put down.

What has two legs and is red all over?

Half a cat.

That moment when you have to ask your Chinese neighbor if he's seen your cat.

Two cats called "1,2,3" & "un, deux, trois" had a swimming race across the channel.

1,2,3 cat won because un, deux, trois cat sank!

READ THIS OUT LOUD:

This is this cat.

This is cat.

This is how cat.

This is to cat.

This is keep cat.

This is an cat.

This is idiot cat.

This is a busy cat.

This is for cat.

This is forty cat.

this is seconds cat.

NOW- go back and read the third word from each line from the start.

Here's a list of puns, not all of them are mine.

1. Smaller babies may be delivered by stork, but the heavier ones need a crane.

2. Yesterday, I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I’m okay, but I feel like I’ve dyed a little inside.

3. My sister bet that I couldn’t build a car out of spaghetti. You should’ve seen her face when I drove pasta.

4. Getting the ability to fly would be so uplifting.

5. Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”

6. Why was the cookie sad? Because his mom was a wafer long!

7. Why didn’t the cat go to the vet? He was feline fine!

8. How do you make a good egg-roll? You push it down a hill!

9. That baseball player was such a bad sport. He stole third base and then just went home!

10. My parents said I can’t drink coffee anymore. Or else they’ll ground me!

What is the difference between an orphan and a cat?

The cat is actually cute.

Did you hear about the cat jail break out? It was a cat-tastrophe.

How are a mouse and a bale of hay alike?

The cat'll eat it (the cattle eat it).

What is a cat's favorite Queen song... Don't stop meow.

I would tell a pussy joke, but you would never get it.

My dad and I were talking and my cat left the room.

So I said, "I guess she wasn't feline it."

My dad said, "You've got to be kitten me, that was purrfect!"

I said, "Literally."

Q: What do you call an owner that can't take care of their cat? A: A impurrefect owner.

People want to be nice to each other because they only have one life, and they want to live it well.

Sucks to be them. I'm a cat.

I asked my now ex-boyfriend why he’s scared of my cat. He said it was because of the scratches on my arm.

I told him that my cat doesn’t scratch, but he didn’t believe me. He realised what I meant when he noticed I kept hiding my wrist from everyone else.

(Kinda based on the fact that my ex is indeed scared of cats, and he has been scared of my cat, so yeah 😂)

What did one cat say to the other? Happy "meow"!

What's a cat's favorite instrument? Purr-cussion.