Should I buy COVID-19 or wait until COVID-20 comes out?
I bought shoes from a drug dealer yesterday. I don't know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day.
I bought a wooden whistle. But it wooden whistle. So I bought a steel whistle. But it steel wooden whistle. So I bought a lead whistle. But it steel wooden lead me whistle. So I bought an iron whistle. But ironically it steel wooden lead me whistle.
My girlfriend left me for spending my own money. I buy this bitch thousands upon thousands of dollars worth of stuff, but I spend 100 dollars on a prostitute, she leaves me.
Why couldn't the orphan buy chips?
They were all family sized.
One day, an orphan bought a boomerang. He threw it, and it didnβt come back.
Why doesn't Jesus buy beer?
Hebrews.
A girl walks into an Adult Store. "Hi, I want to buy that red dildo right there."
Cashier: "That's a fire extinguisher, you whore."
I bought a ceiling fan the other day.
It was a complete waste of money.
He just stands there applauding and saying, "Ooh, I love how smooth it is."
You'd think my son would be happy that Daddy bought him a new bike. But no... oh no, he just sits in his wheelchair and cries like a little girl.
Yo mama is so stupid, because when she gave birth to you, she asked for a receipt!
When do you know you are getting a good deal on a boat? -- When there's a sail on it.
Cashier: "Will you want the milk in a bag today, sir?"
Customer: "Iβll just keep it in the carton if you donβt mind."
My mother-in-law would have been on one of the planes that crashed on 9/11.
Had I known in advance, I would have bought her the ticket.
I went to the pharmacy the other day. I tried to buy a pack of condoms, but I pretended I didn't have enough money to mess with the cashier.
I went back into the aisles of the store, got a pack of rubber bands and plastic wrap, bought them, and walked out. I loved the look on the cashier's face when they saw my decision.
I was going to buy a watch today, but I didn't have time.
Little Johnny walked into an ice cream shop and asked: "Do you have chocolate filled ice cream?"
The man replies: "We are out of that, sorry, we are almost out of every single flavor, do you want me to get you a vanilla filled one?"
Johnny replies: "Sure."
After that, the man asks for Johnny's phone and goes to back of the store. 5 minutes later, the man comes with an ice cream and Johnny's phone.
Johnny asks: "How much for the ice cream?"
The man replies: "Nothing, it's on the house."
After Johnny ate his delicious ice cream, he searched for his watch history. And then Johnny realized the flavor of the ice cream.
What was the worse purchase America ever made?
Spending billions on two rice cookers in 1945.
What's the similarity between my son and a rug from eBay? I asked for a refund.
You never think of how people will react to an event. My friend gets discounts at any store he goes to.
