Purchase jokes

When do you go to the store?

UVUALA!!!!!

A man went to a Ford dealership hoping to find a car, but he said they weren't affordable.

My girlfriend left me for spending my own money. I buy this bitch thousands upon thousands of dollars worth of stuff, but I spend 100 dollars on a prostitute, she leaves me.

You're so poor, even the store didn't let you buy anything free.

An Indian kid walked into the shop and had a curry down because they had no naan bread in stock.

I liked my life when I first got it... Later they said no because I didn’t have the receipt.

Setting: Funeral Home

Customer: Yes, I was considering what would be the best option for cheap cremation, but I feel that's silly to ask.

Funeral Director: Oh! We do have these nice urns over here at a discounted 75 percent off.

Customer: Okay? What's the catch? That's almost 300 dollars off?

Funeral Director: I assure you these are top-of-the-line urns and will keep your loved ones' remains secure and dry.

Customer: Okay?

Funeral Director: Yep, these have only been used once, so it is absolutely worth the purchase.

By: MiniMemorials.com

Where do leg amputees go to buy a car? IHOP

I bought my son a trampoline. That little a**hole stayed in his wheelchair the whole day.

When me and my friend went to the market, my friend tried to scan my arm, and I asked her what she was doing. She answered, "Oh, I had to buy you so I don't steal you."

You'd think my son would be happy that Daddy bought him a new bike. But no... oh no, he just sits in his wheelchair and cries like a little girl.

Why doesn't Jesus buy beer?

Hebrews.

I bought a gun from Walmart today. I guess they knew what I was going to do with it, because when I pulled the gun on the cashier, I realized the firing mechanism was in reverse.

Yo mama so stupid that she thought Subway was a place where you buy subways.

I once saw a one-handed man in a second-hand store.

I said to him: "I don't think they have what you're looking for, sir."

Yo mama is so stupid, because when she gave birth to you, she asked for a receipt!

What’s the difference between people and chocolate? I can still buy dark chocolate.

My mother-in-law would have been on one of the planes that crashed on 9/11.

Had I known in advance, I would have bought her the ticket.

Little Johnny and his dad were going to buy a horse.

Dad: Rubbing on the horse’s chest and butt.

Little Johnny: What are you doing?

Dad: Checking to see if the horse is healthy so I can buy it.

Little Johnny: Oh well, I think the mall man wants to buy mom.

I bought a wooden whistle. But it wooden whistle. So I bought a steel whistle. But it steel wooden whistle. So I bought a lead whistle. But it steel wooden lead me whistle. So I bought an iron whistle. But ironically it steel wooden lead me whistle.