My lesbian neighbors and my sister gave me a Rolex for my birthday. I guess they misunderstood when I said I wanted a watch.
Azibo works 10 hours a day in the sun and is paid 1 euro an hour. Thanks to a fundraiser we will be able to raise the necessary funds to buy a whip to make him work twice as much.
Where do you buy cows in bulk?
At the stock market.
A suicidal customer walks into a gun store.
Cashier: Is this your final purchase?
Customer: Actually, yes it is!
I bought my son a trampoline. That little a**hole stayed in his wheelchair the whole day.
Elderly man: Can I get a discount, please? I fought in World War 2.
Cashier: Sure!
Elderly man: Danke.
I'm so poor I have to put my Big Mac burger on layaway.
Why can the orphan only buy 1 ice cream cone? He can't afford a family pack
What’s the difference between a barcode and Rachel Sutherland’s wrist?
Nothing, they both get scanned for a fresh new pack of razor blades.
Why did the baker give the shopper a butt? Because she asked for a butt!
I got my blind friend a TV... He never uses it.
Q: Why can't the orphan buy Robux?
A: He could not use his mother's credit card.
A man went to a Ford dealership hoping to find a car, but he said they weren't affordable.
Why do orphans never get a car?
Because their parents need to buy them one.
Abortion is becoming more and more expensive these days. So visit Ammu-nation and pick up an Armsan RS-X1 tactical shotgun. It comes with a free box of ammo and a three year warranty. Buy now, pay later.
You're so poor, even the store didn't let you buy anything free.
When do you go to the store?
UVUALA!!!!!
Yo mama so fat that when she bought food, she ran out of money.
Yesterday I purchased a world map and told my wife to throw a dart, and wherever it lands, I will take her. Turns out we're spending three weeks behind the fridge.
A man went to buy 5 undies, so he said, "Hi, 5 undies, please, 1 for each weekday." Then another man comes and said, "Hi, 7 undies please, 1 for each day, and they'll finish cleaning by Sunday." So the cashier said, "Now that's more like it!" And then another person said, "Hi, 12 undies please, wait, I'm gonna double check... January... fe"
