Purchase jokes
My daughter came home from school later than usual. I was panicking, then at 5:30 p.m. she arrived, not walking but in a bus 🚌. I asked, "Where the hell did this bus come from?" She said, "The garage in the alleyway, Mama. I bought it for five gummies and eight buttons. You like her? She is called Belle Bus." My face was just: 😑 How did you get the bus here? She replies with a whisper, "I drove her through five gardens, a house, and two police cars!" 🙃 So that explains why you have handcuffs on. "Yeah!"
What type of flour do you buy an orphan? Self-raising.
If I had a genie grant me wishes, I wouldn't wish for a million pounds. I'd just wish that every time I buy something I just have the right amount of money in my pocket at the time.
Why did the lady go to the dealership? Because she was going to get Hereford.
Why buy a pregnant slave over a normal slave? Buy 1 get 1 free. 😂😂😂😂
Mother, father, and a son. Father purchased a robot that can detect lies. The robot slaps when you lie.
During dinner time: Father: Son, what have you done today? Son: I watched Netflix, Dad. Robot: Stood up and slapped the son! Son: Okay! Okay! I watched porn, Dad. Dad: What? You watched porn? You are only 14! I never knew porn till I was 18 years of age. Robot: Stood up and slapped the Dad! Mother: Started to laugh and said "Sure he is your son!" Robot: Stood up and slapped the mother!
Hehe
Why did the baker give the shopper a butt? Because she asked for a butt!
You are so ugly, when you were born, your mother asked for a receipt.
My lesbian neighbors and my sister gave me a Rolex for my birthday. I guess they misunderstood when I said I wanted a watch.
A man walks into a pharmacy and buys multiple containers of Tylenol, and the clerk asks why he's buying all of these. He replies with, "I'm playing 1 pill eat 100."
I go to the shop and buy 2 pints of kimo.
I was very lonely so I bought some shares. -- It's nice to have a bit of company.
*Breaking News!* - Apparently the first person in Melbourne has died because of the Coronavirus. In his house they found 1000 cans of food, 50 kilos of pasta, 80 kilos of rice, 300 toilet rolls and 50L of hand sanitiser which he had panic purchased from the supermarket and stockpiled "just in case".
The whole lot collapsed and buried him.
A suicidal customer walks into a gun store.
Cashier: Is this your final purchase?
Customer: Actually, yes it is!
Q: Why can't the orphan buy Robux?
A: He could not use his mother's credit card.
Cashier: "Will you want the milk in a bag today, sir?"
Customer: "I’ll just keep it in the carton if you don’t mind."
A programmer and his wife.
She says, "We're out of bread. Please go to the grocery store and buy one. And if they've got eggs, get six."
After a while, he's back with six loaves of bread.
The wife asks, "Why did you buy 6 loaves of bread?"
He replies, "They had eggs."
Q: Why did the orphan buy an iPhone X?
A: Because it has no home button.
I bought drugs today.
What did the pelican say when he finished shopping?
"Put it in my bill."