Grade

Why did the boy study for his math test in a tree?

'Cause he wanted higher grades.

Sex

Q: Sex is great, only your mate can sometimes be a little nuts!

(I am still a single young virgin.)

Cucumber

What did the cucumber say to the bell pepper that wasn't wearing enough clothes?

You need more dressing.

Attention

I tried to dress hot so my boyfriend would cast some attention upon me, but it just made him sweat.

Uranus

What planets do Astronauts like to pee on?

Uranus!

(Say this out loud and it will make more sense.)

Friend

Once I tried to tell my friend a joke about dead people... but it went six feet underground...

Star

So, on one partly cloudy night, there was a boy and his dad gazing up at the sky.

Dad: Aren't the stars just wonderful?

Boy: I'm not sure, from my angle, all I see are clouds.

Dad: Well, come over here and take a look.

Boy: Damn, the clouds always move when I get to the right spot!

Dad: Well then, I guess I will have to make you see them everywhere you look then.

Then the Dad shook and spun the boy around till he said...

NOW I'M SEEING STARS!!!

Stake

A vampire stalks you into a field of corn. The stakes have never been higher...

Droid

What do you call a droid that takes the long way around?

R2 Detour.

Tree

I was going to log a pun about trees, but you wooden understand it.

Duck

A duck walks into a bar. The duck says to the bartender, "Hey bartender, got any bread?" The bartender says, "No." Then the duck says, "Hey bartender, got any bread?" The bartender says, "NO!" The duck says, "Hey bartender, got any bread?" The bartender says, "No, and if you say that one more time I will nail your bill to this bar!" The duck says, "Hey bartender, got any nails?" The bartender says, "No." The duck says, "Well then, bartender, got any bread?"

Book

Never hide something behind a bookshelf. It's the oldest trick in the book!