A swan, a goose, and a penguin walked into a bar... I ducked.
Puns
I almost got run over by a car.
For the rest of the day I was taking the backseat as I was wheely tried.
What do you call a skeleton with no friends? Bonely.
What did Google Translate say to Siri?
"Why are you so Siri-ous?"
A calendar asked the doctor how many time he's got left. The doctor replied: "'Til December."
I heard the man who invented Autocorrect died; may he rest in peace.
My pencil sharpener broke, so now my pencil is pointless.
The cancer patient asked the doctor how many more months he had to live. The doctor replied, "Tu-more."
I heard a pretty juicy rumor about butter, but I decided I didn't want to spread it.
Why did the squirrel do the backstroke?
He wanted to keep his nuts dry.
My daughter said I could never make a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta!
I ate a time machine once, it was very time-consuming. Especially when I went back four seconds.
How do you stay warm in a cold room?
You go to the corners. It's always 90 degrees.
When you see a deer, what do you say?
"Oh deer!"
What did the car say when it crashed? That's wheely unfortunate!
What happened to the man who made too many bad jokes? He served out a cruel and unusual PUNishment.
A friend was doing bird puns on me. Then I realized that toucan play at that game.
What will Donald Trump build in our devices?
A firewall.
I rolled over a log and underneath was a tiny little stick, and I was like, "That log had a child!"
So I was making slime, so I put glue, and a lil' pump of lotion and slime activator. Ahah, lil pump, get it?
