Puns
Son: Hey Dad, can I play Fortnite?
Dad: I don't know, do you want a girlfriend?
My dignity to live.
What food makes you smart? Salt, because it's a mined food.
What did the vegetable say to the other before the fight?
Time to beet your maker.
Why didn't the drummer play?
Because he got a percussion.
How did the carpenter do on his interview? He nailed it!
Where do cows go on holiday? -- Moo Zealand.
I knew a guy who used to sell wrenches. He was all torque.
Which brand of underwear does Thor wear?
Asgard.
This is supposed to be worst puns but most of them are not puns.
JOKES
1. my life 2. pat as a cat.
"Hey, hey, Spongebob! Water you doing?" [laughs]
"Just looking for all my coins with my metal detector because beach better have my money!" [laughs]
"How much have you found so far?"
"Y'know what, I'm not really shore!" [laughs]
What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho cheese. Okay, I can't do this anymore.
Genie: You can only have 3 wishes.
Man: I wish for more wishes.
Genie: You can’t wish for more wishes.
Man: I wish I could.
Genie: ......
What’s a lung’s favorite type of exercise?
Breathing exercises.
I told this to my English teacher, and he said it to the class, and no one laughed. Someone help!
If you eat a clock, then does that mean you’ve consumed time?
What’s a booty’s favorite game?
Hide and cheek.
What did Google Translate say to Siri?
"Why are you so Siri-ous?"
I was taking a walk near the prison when I saw a good looking guy climbing down the fence, and when he noticed me, he gave me a sneer! It was pretty condescending.
How do you make antifreeze?
You steal her blanket.