Puns
So I was walking in a store, and a carrot and a lettuce said, "Lettuce leaf!" to me.
What do you say after you throw an egg at someone? "Yolks on you!"
This rat did the most amazing thing ever; it was pretty radical, dude.
How many people do you think are in a graveyard? Hopefully none.
Why is 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 8 9.
Why can't dinosaurs talk?
'Cause they're dead.
What did the fish say before he hit the wall? -- "Oh, dam."
Y'all heard of Poptarts, eh?
Well why are there no Momtarts?
Because of the PASTRYarchy!
How can you help a llama on holiday?
Alpaca your bags.
I've just started a new business making people breathe in large amounts of helium. They all speak very highly of it.
What did the angler say to his students at the end of his fishing class?
Catch you later!
What do you call a skeleton with no arms? An un-armed skeleton.
I heard Kobe was writing a book about helicopters, but it just wouldn't land with people...
I know, I'm going to hell!
A boy went to a costume party with a girl on his back. Someone asked him what he was supposed to be. He answered, "A turtle."
"Then why do you have a girl on your back?" the guy asked again.
The boy answered, "It's Michelle."
I used to have a fear of hurdles.
But I got over it.
What site does a vegetable go to when he/she is stressed?
cornhub.com
Why did the chicken cross the road? It was running away from Kernel Sanders.
Hehehe
Why did the car key never fit in?
He was too door key.
How do inmates keep in touch?
They have cell phones.
What did Santa use as a candy cane?
Wait, wait, I said it wrong.
Okay.
What did Santa use to do his garden...never mind.