Puns

Me: Hi Kallen.

Kallen: Hi.

Me: You're too big to fit in my car.

Do you think the founder of Dunlop was a retired tree surgeon or a hairdresser?

Why did 6 hate 7?

Because 7 ate 9!

I went into a forest with my sharp laptop with F13. Now I'm a real HACKER.

A bass drum is the boss.

What did the policeman say to his belly button?

You're under a vest!

I joke about 9/11 because if I did it, it would have a tendency to crash and burn.

Jake Paul's life:

I'd make a farming joke, but I'm just a little less than corny enough.

I don't know what to say.

Don't you hate it when you sit on your balls? It's a real nutcracker!

Let's taco about something.

What do you call the 10th hole on a military golf course?

Ten-putt!

Have you heard about my new can crushing job?

It's soda-pressing.

What do you call Anne born in May? A Maybe.

Eggshausted.

If a kid does not go to sleep during nap time, isn't he resisting a rest?

My brother and I were roughhousing and accidentally knocked over our bookshelf. My mom came in and started asking who knocked it over, to which I replied that I only had my shelf to blame.

Hey, can I axe you a question?

My brother likes to build "traps" to capture our cat so he can pet it. I said it wasn't gonna catch anyone, he replied with "not going to stop who?" I told him not to worry that it could capture any two.

What's the fastest cake? Scone!

You could say Japanese car fans and ancient Egyptians are alike—they both worship Datsun.