Puns
What kind of bug lives in a graveyard?
A zom-BEE.
I once was sitting outside and watched the birds go by. I checked my watch and said, "My, how time is FLYING by!"
I tried to find my watch I lost last week, but I didn't have the time.
I love telling dad jokes. He always laughs.
How did the carpenter do on his interview? He nailed it!
Gay shit.
I used to work at a candlestick factory, but only on the wickends! It was illuminating!
Women suck (GET IT?!)
Hey John, how are you going?
Helium, yeah good, what about you?
(Hey Liam)
A man went to a Ford dealership hoping to find a car, but he said they weren't affordable.
22 ants were playing football in a saucer.
One ant said to another one, “We'll have to play better tomorrow. We're playing in the cup!”
The first windmill said to the second, "What's your favorite type of music?"
The second windmill said, "I'm a big metal fan!"
What do you call a rare fart in Egypt? A toot uncommon!
Why are eggs bad at puns?
They always mix up their yolks!
What is Bill Gates’ favorite equation?
1 + 1 =
Did you hear about the cannibal that came home late?
His wife gave him the cold shoulder.
I got banana nut bread for you.
Oh no, the nuts are missing!
Oh, I found them!
You know where they are?
UP YOUR BUTTHOLE!
Two kids were sitting at a restaurant. One said, "Could I please have some water? I am feeling a little HORSE." The other said, "Animal Puns? TOUCAN play at that game."
I called my dog 5 miles.
Today, I fawn over my miles.
Why are these jokes bad?
They're literally the worst jokes ever.