How many line cooks does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Three. One to do it, and two to say that they did it better at the previous restaurant they were at.

Question: "You're-a-American" when you're not in the restroom and when you come out of the restroom. What are you when you're in the restroom?

Answer: European (You're-a-peein')

Can I branch out to some tree puns? Willow you allow me it’s only fur. No? Oakome on!

I joke about 9/11 because if I did it, it would have a tendency to crash and burn.

I heard a joke about candy bars, but it wasn't very funny, so I just snickered.

A Mexican was doing a magic trick. He said, "uno, dos," then disappeared without a trace.

There was a chicken sitting on the bench. Then came another one. Then there were two.