Puns

I once had a patient who wanted to change his species.

I'll tell you, he was unBEARable.

I was always told as a kid that I have to pick between being a programmer and an English teacher.

They said: you can't be a "pro-grammer nazi."

I like whiteboards.

They're quite re-markable.

You guys have very baaaaaaa-d puns!

Diarrhea.

My puns drive people nuts; this is usually when I bolt away.

Did you hear about the monkeys that share an Amazon account? They were prime mates.

I saw a bear eating a duck.

It was unBEARable.

What’s the world’s most diseased country?

GerMany.

I think you're eggcellent!

How many line cooks does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Three. One to do it, and two to say that they did it better at the previous restaurant they were at.

What place is Flo Rida from? Florida.

Trees are so social. They're always branching out.

Why did the car key never fit in?

He was too door key.

Question: "You're-a-American" when you're not in the restroom and when you come out of the restroom. What are you when you're in the restroom?

Answer: European (You're-a-peein')

Knock knock! Who's there? King Tut! King Tut who? King Tutty Fried Chicken!

Don't trust stairs... They are always up to something.

Jake Paul's life:

Can I branch out to some tree puns? Willow you allow me it’s only fur. No? Oakome on!

I joke about 9/11 because if I did it, it would have a tendency to crash and burn.