Nightlife jokes

What do you call a night guard at the glory hole inside a adult bookstore?

Guardian of the confessional booth.

I was at the bar late last night when a waitress screamed, "Anyone know CPR?" I said, "Shit, I know all the letters of the alphabet." Everyone laughed, well, except for this one guy.

What’s the name of the band in the gay bar?

A: Beers for Queers.

I like strippers on me.

What did one condom say to the other condom as they were passing a gay bar? "Let's go get shit faced!"

Her name was Lola.

She was a loner.

At the Copa.

Then I saw her,

And I got a boner.

The next morning,

She couldn't remember if I banged her.

I'm gonna open up a bar for emos.

I think I'll call it "The Cutting Board."

Steven Hawking's Sesh Cave, entry 50p, guaranteed Budweiser and ecstasy. Maybe a gram of heroin. You'll most likely see a mental 90-year-old guy absolutely going mental on the dance floor with a Stella in one hand and another on his crotch.

My family loves to have dance parties. My dad will just play music from his iPod, and I'll go to the light switch and make a nice strobe light effect. Everyone loves it, especially my younger cousin. He gets down on the floor and starts breakdancing! It makes him so happy, and he needs that extra joy in his life, especially since the doctor recently diagnosed him with epilepsy.

What does it mean when a man has a dodgy past? It means he has skeletons in his closet.

What does it mean when a man likes Lana Del Rey better than Ed Sheeran? It means he has a closet full of women's leather pants (but no women in their dating history).

Two deer walk out of a gay bar. One of them turns to the other and says, "I can't believe I blew forty bucks in there."

Today I was asked to go out by 20 girls. -- I was in the women's bathroom.

What did one lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire?

Same time next month?