Nightlife jokes

What do you call a night guard at the glory hole inside a adult bookstore?

Guardian of the confessional booth.

I was at the bar late last night when a waitress screamed, "Anyone know CPR?" I said, "Shit, I know all the letters of the alphabet." Everyone laughed, well, except for this one guy.

What’s the name of the band in the gay bar?

A: Beers for Queers.

I like strippers on me.

What did one condom say to the other condom as they were passing a gay bar? "Let's go get shit faced!"

Her name was Lola.

She was a loner.

At the Copa.

Then I saw her,

And I got a boner.

The next morning,

She couldn't remember if I banged her.

I'm gonna open up a bar for emos.

I think I'll call it "The Cutting Board."

Steven Hawking's Sesh Cave, entry 50p, guaranteed Budweiser and ecstasy. Maybe a gram of heroin. You'll most likely see a mental 90-year-old guy absolutely going mental on the dance floor with a Stella in one hand and another on his crotch.

What do you call an emo strip club?

Suicidal Thots.

What does it mean when a man has a dodgy past? It means he has skeletons in his closet.

What does it mean when a man likes Lana Del Rey better than Ed Sheeran? It means he has a closet full of women's leather pants (but no women in their dating history).

If prostitution had a tax-exempt status, and if an adult bookstore had a tax-exempt status because of a glory hole, churches would have to do something else to keep their tax-exempt status to avoid the risk of going out of business.

Two deer walk out of a gay bar. One of them turns to the other and says, "I can't believe I blew forty bucks in there."

Kelly Clarkson and Ian Watkins of the Lostprophets both walk into a bar. The bartender asked, "Hitting on some 2-year-olds today?" It may have been an innocuous question, if it weren't for the fact that the bartender is Chris Hansen.