Pub

Pub Jokes

A nucleus walked into a bar, he asked the bartender, “How much for a drink?” The bartender replied, “For you, NO CHARGE!”

So a guy walks into a bar and asks for a drink, the bartender says “I’ll give you a drink if you can tell me a meta joke” so the guy says “alreight so a guy walks into a bar and asks for a drink” the bartender says “I’ll give you a drink if you can tell me a meta joke” so the guy says “ so a guy walks into a bar and asks for a drink” the bartender says”I’ll give you a drink if you can tell me a meta joke” so the guy says” so a guy walks into a bar and asks for a drink” the bartender says” ok here you go” so he gives the guy a drink, so he gives the guy a drink, so he gives the guy a drink

“Poor old fool,” thought the gentleman as he watched an old man fish in a puddle outside a pub. He invited the old man inside for a drink. The gentleman asked, “So how many have you caught today?

”The old man replied, “You’re the eighth.”

A mushroom walked into a pub. He asked the bartender to give him a beer. The bartender said, "I can't, you'll get too rowdy." The mushroom then said, "Oh come on! When I drink, I'm a fun guy!"

1

A man who drinks a lot is told by his that if he ever gets drunk again she will leave him. Later the man goes to a pub and drinks a lot and throws up all down his jacket. 'Oh no.' He says to his friend' if I go home like this again, my wife will leave me.' 'Dont worry' his friend says. 'Put a £20 note in your jacket pocket. When your wife challenges you, produce the money and say another man threw up on you and gave you the £20 note for the dry cleaning.' 'Brilliant!' the man says and goes home. He walks through his front door and his wife sees him. She is furious. 'No no' the man says producing the money from his inside pocket. 'A man threw up on me and gave me £20 for the dry cleaning.' 'Whats the other £20 note for?' asks his wife. 'Ah, that's from the man who shat in my pants.....'

Christopher and Tony were tempted for a beer but they only had 2 dollars each. Christopher got an idea and run away to the butcher and see if he got something good. He came back with a sausage. So they went to a pub and ordered 2 beers and 2 whiskeys. - Are you crazy?! Said Tony to Christopher. 'We don't have any money!' - Take it easy now, said Christopher. 'I have a plan.' When they finnished drink everything up christopher put the sausage through his own zipper and begged Tony to bend on his knees and take the sausage with his mouth. The bartender saw what they did and throw them out without even paying. So Christopher and Tony kept doing the same thing pub after pub after pub. After the 10th pub said Tony: I can't do this anymore. I am drunk and my knees are in too much pain to even handle the walk. - How do you think i feel? Said Christopher exhausted. ' I dropped the sausage in the 3th pub!'

two terrorists walk into a bar and the bartender says what can i get you the terrorists both say a beer the baretender overhears them talking that they will 300 people and a donkey the baretender says why a donkey and one terrorist says c i told you no one would care about the people

A TWELVE VOLT BATTERY walks into a tavern and orders a drink.The bartender serves him , and comments now don't start anything .

Guy walks into a bar with a 44 magnum and yells:who the fuck fucked my wife. Everybody silent for a second then the bartender said:mate you ain't got enough bullets

A Grasshopper walked into a bar and sat down at the counter.....The Bartender looked at him and said, "We have a drink named after you". The Grasshopper replied, "Who names a drink Steve?"

A man and a giraffe walk into a bar, the man orders a beer one for him and one for the giraffe. After they finish their drinks the giraffe falls over and the man gets his stuff and heads for the door. The bartender says "Stop! you can't leave that thing lying on the floor" The man says "Mate, that's not a lion, it's a giraffe".

1

Walked into a bar the other day and a group of sailors were being load and shouting about all the woman they have in port that had given them gonorrhea.... Bloody Seamen.

the bear walked into the bar and said can i have a cola and a............wisky the bar tender says whats with the big paws

A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar. The barman says, “Is this some kind of joke