Priest

Priest Jokes

Difference

What's the difference between 5% of priests and 5% of atheists?

5% of atheists have seen a ghost.

5% of priests have spooked altar boys in the sacristy.

Politician

If you got a priest, a Rhodes scholar, and a politician in a room, what would you get?

The Royal Commission.

Alternatively, Tony Abbott.

Difference

What's the difference between Woody from Toy Story and a Catholic priest?

One goes limp when a child walks in the room.

Police Officer

A police officer pulls over two Catholic priests. He says he's looking for two child molesters.

The Catholic priests look at each other: "We'll do it!"

Kid

What has 2 legs and loves to play with little kids? The local priest.

Guy

A guy asks his priest friend what he wants to eat, and the priest says "bad boys." Then his friend asks, "What kebab do you want?" and the priest says, "B Bricked up Caucasian or Asian will do."

Whopper

We are coming out with a Whopper that is similar to a priest because it also has its meat between 5-year-old buns.

King

What did the racist Catholic priest say?

"Martin Luther? Not my king!"

Hitler

Apparently, as a 4-year-old, Hitler was saved from drowning in the river Passau by a local priest.

Goes to show once more that a lot of problems would be solved if priests could just keep their hands off kids.

Dot

What's a little white dot on a priest's dick? A baby tooth.

Child

A priest says to me, "Come up, my child." Then I said, "Do I know you? Because you're not my father."

Boy

A priest walks outside and finds two young boys sitting on a big ice cube. The priest asks what they are doing. The boys answer that the priest always likes a couple of cold ones before he goes on.

Rabbi

A priest, a rabbi, and a vicar walk into a bar. The barman says, “Is this some kind of joke?”