Newest Priest Jokes - Page 4 - Worst Jokes Ever

When you turn 400 those nasty thoughts sometimes peer in, but if you're lucky, you can be cleansed by the machine spirit by simply visiting your local tech priest.

Parents: are you still a virgin?
The toaster:

If u look at this joke you going to meet a Catholic priest tomorrow

Priest walks outside and finds two young boys sitting on a big ice cube... priest asks what are you guys doing the boys answer the priest always likes a couple of cold ones before he goes on

A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar. The barman says, “Is this some kind of joke

HEY KIDS ARE YOU READY FOR FAPTISIM

A priest and a rabbi were hanging out at a playground. The priest waves to a kid to come over and tells the rabbi, "Let's screw this kid." The rabbi looks confused and asks, "Out of what??"

A Catholic priest finds a young boy crying at the top of a cliff.

“What’s wrong? Why are you crying?”

The boy points down. “Mummy and Daddy were in the car and it went over the edge”.

The priest can see the flaming wreck below. He looks around and sees no one else is about and starts to unbutton his belt

“It’s really not your day, is it?”

Why are people suspicious when a priest yells "Attention Kmart Shoppers"?

Boys pants are half off

mamma is so Catholic, Swiss cheese wishes it was as holy as she is. Do you ...

A guy was dying after getting stabbed in a church.he said to the priest please say a prayer for me and the priest said ‘I ain’t got nun left’ then he died

What is a similiarity between priests and doctors?

They both have fetishes for their professions

So do you guys know those waterslides that you stand in, and then they suddenly drop you straight down onto the water slide? If not, look them up on YouTube, there's nothing like them.

Ah yes, the sweet memories of my first time on one of these. I feel that my mental/emotional scars have healed enough to tell this gem.

At the time my girlfriend, now Fiancée, worked as a photographer for one of those resorts with the indoor and outdoor water parks. One of her perks was that her and a family member/friend could get into the waterpark for free, so one hot summer day she had off and we both decided it'd be fun to go there and cool down for the day.

While we were there, I discovered one of there most "Thrilling" looking waterslides. Basically you stand in this tube, and then the slide operator presses a button and this slide drops you straight down a good 90 FEET, before you actually start going down the water slide. Me, being a thrill seeker, of course had to try it. So I made the great climb up to the top of the slide, stood in line, and finally it was my turn. Once I got in the tube, the operator told me to keep my legs crossed. Now I'm a pretty big heavy guy, so I was like "That's uncomfortable as fuck, I'm not doing that". So there I was standing in the tube, having a panic attack from anticipation, with my legs not crossed. The operator finally presses the button, the bottom opens and I fall straight down the water slide. Very quickly I realized why they have you cross your legs. Water shot so far up my ass, so fast, I swear I tasted it in my mouth. My body raced down that slide, as I questioned every life choice that I have ever made.

Once I made it to the bottom, I sat there for a moment, absolutely violated. I felt like someone in an episode of Law & Order: Special Victims Unit. I built up the courage to finally stand up, and all I could feel was the nice warm stream of water mixed with shit, and maybe a little bit of blood shoot out of my ass faster than the Steamboat Geyser at Yellowstone National Park. I quickly got off the slide and ran to the bathroom, with a trail of shitty water tailing me as the slide operator stared in awe. They had to shut down the slide for the rest of the day :'), but man was my asshole clean after that!

Moral of the story: Keep your damn legs crossed on waterslides.

Same thing goes when you are at bible study with a handsy priest.