A child, molester and priest walk into a bar He orders a drink
A rapist, pedifile, and a priest walk into a bar He orders a beer
Same person
A Girl walks into the church and confesses..
Girl " Forgive me father for i have sinned"
Priest "How have you you sinned may i ask?"
Girl " I called a man a son of a bitch"
Priest " Why did you call a man a son of a bitch?"
Girl " He held my hand '
Priest " Like this? ( he holds the girl's hand)
Girl " Yes father"
Priest " That does not explain why you called a man a bitch"
Girl " He started taking off my clothes "
Priest " Like this? " ( He takes off the girls clothes)
Girl " yes father "
Priest " that also doesn't explain why you called the man a bitch "
Girl " Then he took off his clothes and put his you know what into my you know what "
Priest " Like this? " ( he puts his you know what into her you know what )
Girl " YES FATHER !! YES FATHER !!!
Priest " Then what? "
Girl " Then he got up and left me naked "
Priest " THAT SON OF A BITCH!! "
A housewife takes a lover during the day, while her husband is at work. Not aware that 9 year old son was hiding in the closet. Her husband came home unexpectedly, so she hid her lover in the closet. The boy now has company.
Boy: ‟Dark in here.” Man: ‟Yes it is.” Boy: ‟I have a baseball.” Man: ‟That's nice.” Boy: ‟Want to buy it?” Man: ‟No, thanks.” Boy: ‟That's my dad outside.” Man: ‟How much did you say the baseball was again?” Boy: ‟$250.”
In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the mom's lover are in the closet together.
Boy: ‟Dark in here.” Man: ‟Yes, it is..” Boy: ‟I have a baseball glove.” Man: ‟That's nice.” Boy: ‟Want to buy it?” Man: ‟No, thanks.” Boy: ‟I think I just remembered something I needed to tell my dad.” Man: ‟How much did you say the glove was again?” Boy: ‟$750.” Man: ‟Fine.”
A few days later, the father says to the boy, ‟Grab your glove. Let's go outside and toss the baseball!” The boy says, ‟I can't. I sold them.” The father asks, ‟How much did you sell them for?” The son says, ‟$1,000.” The father says, ‟It's terrible to over-charge your friends like that. That is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess.”
They go to church and the father alerts the priest and makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and closes the door.
The boy says, ‟Dark in here.” The priest says, ‟Do not start that shit again
A girl goes to a Church to confess.....
Girl : "Forgive me father for I have sinned."
Priest : "What have you done my child?"
Girl : "I called a man a son of a bitch."
Priest : "Why did you call him a son of a bitch?"
Girl : "Because he touched my hand."
Priest : "Like this?" (as he touches her hand)
Girl : "Yes father."
Priest : "That's no reason to call a man a son of a bitch."
Girl : "Then he touched my breast."
Priest : "Like this?" (as he touched her breast)
Girl : "Yes father."
Priest : "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl : "Then he took off my clothes, father."
Priest : "Like this?" (as he takes off her clothes)
Girl : "Yes father."
Priest : "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl : "Then he stuck his you know what into my you know where."
Priest : "Like this?" (as he stuck his you know what into her you know where)
Girl : "YES FATHER, YES FATHER, YES FATHER!!!"
(after a few minutes)
Priest : "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl : "But father, he had AIDS!"
Priest : "THAT SON OF A BITCH!!!"
The Drunk and a priest
On a bus, a priest sat next to a drunk who was struggling to read a newspaper.
Suddenly, with a slurred voice, the drunk asked the priest:
"Do you know what arthritis is?"
The parish priest soon thought of taking the opportunity to lecture the drunk and replied:
"It's a disease caused by sinful and unruly life: excess, consumption of alcohol, drugs, marijuana, crack, and certainly lost women, prostitutes, promiscuity, sex, binges and other things I dare not say."
The drunk widened his eyes, shut up and continued reading the newspaper.
A little later the priest, thinking that he had been too hard on the drunk, tried to soften:
"How long have you had arthritis?"
"I don't have arthritis! It says here in the paper that the Pope has it."
Two priests are driving down a road when they are pulled over by the cops.
The cop shines a light in their faces and signals to the driver to roll down his window.
"We're searching for two child molesters," he says.
The driver leans over to the other priest and they whisper between themselves.
Finally, he turns back to the policeman. "Ok. We'll do it."
What's the difference between a priest and a pimple? A pimple will wait until you're 12 years old to come on your face.
A policeman walks up to a van with two priests and says, "We're looking for two child molesters". The priests both look at each other for a moment and then say, "Okay, we'll do it".
I was blessed with a 9 inch penis the priest is in jail now.
I love going to church to get closer to god, but my least favorite part of church has to be touching the priest’s penis
Two priests walk into a store and cops come up to them and say they’re looking for a child molester and the priests both say I’ll do it
Why do orphans go to church? Not because they are religious because they want someone to call father.
A young boy is stood on the top of a cliff crying. A priest approaches and says, 'why are you crying my son?' 'my parents just crashed the car off the cliff and died,' 'it's just not your day today is it' Said the priest, unbuttoning his flies.
"A priest, an imam, and a rabbit walk into a clinic to donate blood. The rabbit turns to the nurse and says, 'I think I'm a Type-O.'"
Boy goes to Confession Boy " What are you doing father" Priest "Its called masturbation and soon you will be doing it" Boy " Why do you say that father" Priest " Cause my hand is getting tired" -not my joke
Why can't you make jokes about catholic priest?
Because they blow up in your face.
A priest asks a nun if she has slept with anyone and the nun says yes a fucking hot girl
what do priests and mcdonalds have in common? they both shove their meat between 10 year old buns
My priest asked if anyone had any questions or anything interesting they wanted to say
So I raised my hand, he said why don’t you tell everyone what you have to say.
In front of the whole church I said did not know Jesus Christ was the first scarecrow.